What would you have said if her plan was neither smart nor safe?
Thankfully, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to resist the urge to "fix" your friend's problems by telling her what to do, but I am curious if there is a point where you would offer advice, even unsolicited?
What a great question. What I try to keep in mind is that my notion of "smart and safe" might not mean the same thing for a friend in trouble. She knows best what is "smart and safe" for her. Still, this post was about the challenges of being close with someone, knowing her community and circumstances. I definitely resisted the urge to give unsolicited advice, but I can envision a few instances where that might be necessary. First, if she were critically injured, I would strongly urge her to seek medical attention. Second, if she indicated she was considering taking legal measures, I would offer my experience and suggest that she begin documenting the pattern of abuse, which is the first thing a lawyer or legal advocate will ask her to do. Mostly, though, if her plan was nonexistent or didn't sound feasible or safe, I would try to get her to keep talking. I would listen actively, and ask her questions that might lead her to consider other options. I might also ask, I know some people who have been in similar situations--would it be helpful if I shared with you some steps that they took? In the end, though, she is the expert on herself and her situation. Thank you for asking me this question!
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