It took me a long time to learn this. I hope you'll get the right message.
Stop for a minute. Look at the picture above. Take a deep breath. Take another, but try to use 4 seconds to do it. And another. Focus on your breathing. Relax.
Folks, just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean they're necessarily ignorant, stupid, malicious, psycho or nasty. Sure, they could be, but they could just as easily be looking at things from a different point of view. Having differing points of view, even within one family or just between mates, is incredibly common. It comes from different life experiences, different psychological makeups, different educations and so much more. Some people are good at looking at the big picture, some aren't, and some get the "little" picture. We all struggle with weaknesses in our perceptions, incomplete information, lack of experience, our biases and our emotions. That doesn't mean we can't do better, though.
Does disagreeing with someone make another person's point of view wrong? Maybe. You may - or may not - know all the facts, or you may lack knowledge, experience, and skills that person has - or the other person may be the one who's wrong. More likely, both of you are wrong in part. You may actually end up sharing information that makes each other realize that neither of you has all the facts, but that won't usually happen if you've labeled someone because you'll automatically dismiss anything that person has to say as irrelevant and wrong. And, hey, you may learn something new if you are just willing to consider other points of view. You may not LIKE what you learn but not liking something doesn't make it false.
Remember: It is rare that people go into a debate fully armed with all the facts, and debate from a balanced and objective point-of-view, so it's most likely that everyone involved is partially wrong. We tend to elevate ourselves above everyone else when we feel we're the right one. "Well, I'm right and you'll just find out when things go bad!" It's pretty hard to hear anyone else when we do that, even if they're right next to us, because we've walled ourselves off.
"Opinions are like assholes - everyone's got them."
Does having a different opinion give you the right to label them negatively? No. Just because we don't see eye to eye doesn't give us that right. Even if someone is responding emotionally, you should always be careful to avoid labeling. You don't know what they've been through. I could tell you some stories about my life and you'd wonder why I don't react differently, and I'm sure you could tell me some stories, too. That person you talked to may have just lost a loved one, their job, their home or be a perfect example of Job. Treat others gently because they may be desperately in need of it. You'll just make an enemy otherwise and perhaps push that person into "Columbine mode." That would be your fault. I guarantee you that the woman who tried to contaminate $30k+ of groceries did it because people treated her badly.
If someone disagrees with you, should you get upset - even if it's something really important to you? No, because getting upset will generally guarantee that you will fail to convince that person and will create bad feelings because your emotions are not under control. In addition, you'll cease to view the debate appropriately and will take offense at the slightest thing because your perceptions are skewed by your emotions. You'll also be much harder to have a decent debate with because those emotions will entrench your opinion unless someone is extremely skilled at making you aware - and most people aren't.
If someone doesn't agree with you, does that mean you have the right to attack them personally? No. We're all adults here and adults shouldn't be stooping to personal (ad hominem) attacks when a debate doesn't go your way. An opinion is an opinion and that doesn't mean it's right or wrong. Everyone's got 'em and many cotton to them as if they were their own flesh when, in reality, opinions are disposable. Unfortunately, humans tend to hold onto something they believe, especially if they adopted it in conjunction with strong emotions. Politicians often manipulate public opinion using hope and fear, and logical, fact-based debate rarely tends to sway most people because they close down that avenue in defense of "their" opinion that was actually planted there by someone else.
As an example:
I was in a conversation with a guy on LinkedIn about financial stuff and we were in agreement. I made a comparison between modern-day financiers and a famous historical family (the Rothschilds) ONLY because they matched up. There was nothing malicious about that choice - they were an excellent example. He immediately labeled me an anti-Semite despite the fact I had said nothing about Jews - he had come to his conclusion because the Rothschilds are/were Jews. No matter how I tried to make him realize that he was wrong, he continued to label and attack me. Our agreement had turned into a disagreement because of his perceptual biases that caused him to see racial/religious slights where there were none. I had to stop responding and report his behavior. I was very disappointed because we had otherwise been on the same page. I did notice that he seemed to take an adversarial approach with other people, too.
After all, if we want to be a great example to the country and the world, how are we going to do that if we treat each other poorly when we disagree? We CAN and SHOULD learn from each other, and do it without being mean. Please stay calm.
Learn from each other. We're not going to improve this world until we learn to listen and find agreement. It's bad enough that people are PAID to tell lies and manipulate the public - let's not accidentally do that, too. Communicate from a place of kindness or at least neutrality, so that you can hear and be heard.
Respect.
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