How to win friends? 6 simple rules to please people, SO EFECTIVE!

 Over our life, we are connecting with different kind of people. As human beings we need/like to have amount of friends, some of them betters than others, but at the end of the day, we like them to be part of our lives. 

The fact is, sometimes friends go and new friends come, the ones who really counts are those who stay with us over the years. But, friendships like these are created from nothing? I don't really think so. This post is about how to please people and open some possibilities to meet other people. 

• FIRST RULE: Do this, and you will be welcome everywhere. 

Have you ever asked who is the best conqueror of friends in the world? What is his technique? Perhaps tomorrow you will find it at the street or in your own home, when you're five meters from it you will  see it shake its tail. If you stop to pet him, it will jump as crazy to show how much it loves you. And you know that behind this show of affection, there are not ulterior motives, it doesn't want to sell you a house or an insurance policy, it just does it because it comes from the bottom of its heart and soul to get excited when it sees you. 

Have you stopped some time to think the dog is the only animal that does not have to work to earn a living? The hen gives eggs, the cow gives milk, the canary has to sing. But the dog makes a living with only demonstrate their love to the owner. They do not read any book of psychology, they don't need it. They know, by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by being interested in others for real, than two years trying to impress other people.

But you and I know people who go through life to the dumps because they try to force others to take an interest in themselve. It is clear that this doesn't results, others are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves, morning, afternoon and night. Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled "what should life means for you". In that book he says: the person who are not interested in others is who has the hardest difficulties in life and cause the biggest injuries to others. Be cause all these people, all human failures arise. 

So if you want people to like you, the rule number one is: Be interested in other people for real. 

• SECOND RULE: Smile, a good way to make a good first impression. 

People like to approach or talk to friendly people, and definitely the smile is a contagious way to appear friendly when meeting people. No matter the reason, no matter the situation you are in, if you smile, you will always cause a very good impression to people, even if these are people of bad character. You have to be having a good time when you meet people if you expect others to have a good time when they are with you.

Don't you want to smile? Fine. What to do? Two things. First try to smile, if you are alone, try to whistle or sing. Proceed as if you were happy and that will contribute to make you happy. Everyone seeks happiness, and there is a safe way to find it. It is by controlling our thoughts. Happiness does not depend on external conditions but internal conditions. The Chinese are wise men, wise in all the things of this world, and they have an old saying that you and I should cut and paste in our bed. It says something like this: The man whose face doesn't smile should not open a shop. 

So, rule number two to please people is: SMILE. 

• THIRD RULE: If you don't do this, you will have a hard time. 

Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the more obvious and more important simple way to win goodwill is to remember names and make others feel important. But, do we do the same? 

When we are introduced to a stranger, we talk to him for few minutes and generally, we dont remember his name when we parted. One of the first lessons that politicians learn is this: remember the name of an elector is kind of statesmanship. Forget it is equivalent to go to political oblivion. And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as in politics. 

Napoleon III, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, prided himself that, despite all his royal duties, he remembered the name of everyone who knew him. What was his technique? very simple. If he did not clearly hear the name, he said: Sorry, I did not hear well. Then, if the name was unusual, he used to ask how the name was written. During a conversation, he used to repeat several times the name, write it in a piece of sheet. He was associating it in his mind with the factions, the expression and the general appearance of the interlocutor. If the man was someone of importance, Napoleon took even more work. As soon as he was alone, he wrote the name on a paper, watched, concentrated, and then safely fixed in the body, was tearing the paper. Thus the visual impression, besides the auditory impression, the name was formed. All this takes some time, of course. 

So, the rule number three for pleasing people is: Remember their names. 

• FOURTH RULE: Easy way to become a good conversationalist. 

Upon a time, at the age of 16, i was in a family reunion, there was much people older than me. It was very difficult (or so I thought) to establish a conversation with a person in that place, because usually i did not have issues in common with people 40 or 50 years old. On the next table was my distant uncle, who had a long time without speaking a word to me. I approached him and asked how was the life outside the country. He told me it was pretty normal, but what he really liked to do was skiing. I've never skied in my life, I know nothing about skiing, but at the time I was on the edge of the chair leaning forward, listening to everything my uncle was telling me. I said i was at a reunion, but i broke all kinds of courtesy and heard my uncle for hours. 

At the end of the night he had talked about skiing about 4 hours. When the party was over i said goodbye to everyone and finally my uncle. The next day, the same uncle commented to my mom the excellent conversationalist and smart guy i was. 

Me? Good conversationalist? How is it possible? I only said few worlds, probably less than 50 words. So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, you have to be interested. Ask questions to your interlocutor, who will be so happy to respond, encourage him to talk about himself. Remember, that guy you're talking to is a hundred times more interested in himself and his own needs than you and your problems. His toothache is more important than famine in the world. 

If you want to please people, rule number four is: Be a good listener, make others speak about themselves, do not talk about you.  

• FIFTH RULE: How to interest the people. 

I was a salesman of sports towels at most, I was really desperate to sell these towels because i had a lot of time with it, and i needed the money urgently. My attempts to sell a hundred of other stores had been a total failure, i walked over hundreds of kilometers in the last 3 months with no some good result. One day, tired of the situation, I decided to analyze the way I tried to sell my products to different companies. I discovered that the sales key was make the other person to like you. 

One day a friend had gotten me the phone number of an owner of a sports shop. I decided I had to change the strategy, and why not start now? I called the guy, and appointed a date to talk about the products. When the day finally arrived and I met this guy named Carl, I saw he was wearing a shirt and a cap of the Boston Red Sox. So before start talking about what I wanted, curiously, I asked if he liked baseball.  

Over one hour he told me that he was a very big fan of baseball and especially the Red Sox, I just sat down to listen and to talk about baseball with the subject as long as he wanted. After an hour, he told me he already knew the towels i was selling and wanted to place a big order. I did not have to do almost nothing, but i talked about Carl wanted for as long as he wanted. People usually get bored when they do not talk about topics of their choice, so one of the keys to interested people is to talk about the issues they choose. 

Rule number five for pleasing people: Speak what others want. 

• SIXTH RULE: Impressive the others instantly is such an art. 

There is a law of big importance in human behavior. If we obey this law, we will almost never see ourselve in trouble. If we obey, we will get countless friends and constant happiness, but as soon as we break this law, we will be in endless difficulties. This law is: Try to make the other person feel important. Professor John Deway as we have already noted, says: the desire to be important is the deepest impulse that animates the human character to do everything. 

Professor William James says: The deepest principle in human character is the craving to be appreciated. That impulse is what differentiates us from animals, that impulse gave rise to civilization as we know today.

 Philosophers are speculating about the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and all these conjectures has only emerged an important precept. It is not new. It is as old as the history. Confuncio preached in China twenty centuries ago. Buddha preached on the banks of the Ganges five hundred years before Christ. The sacred books of Hinduism has advertised it thousand years ago. Jesus taught it among the mountains of Judea nineteen centuries ago. Jesus summed it up in a thought that probably the most important rule the world: do to others what you would want them do to you. 

You want the approval of all those people you come into contact. You want your merits to be recognized. You want to have the feeling of your importance in your little world. You don't want to listen cheap flattery, without sincerity, you want yearns for a truly appreciation. You wants your friends and relatives to warm you in their approval and abundant praises. How? when? where? everywhere, always. Each person has his sense of ego, and therefore likes to feel recognized and important wherever he goes. 

So, rule number six for pleasing people is: Make people feel important by compliments and approval.

Always apply these six techniques and you see how your number of friends will be increased. These six rules are a lifestyle more than just a manual. You will see the results only by applying with anyone.

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