Using the Vital Link- Communication

Marvin J. Ashton said: " We must learn to communicate effectively not only by voice, but by tone, feeling, glances, mannerisms and total personality. Too often when we are not able to converse with another, we wonder ' What's wrong with her?' when we should be wondering, ' What is wrong with Our methods?' "

Communicating more effectively increase understanding and love. Take note of how us could communicate in two different ways in the same situation:

Response 1

Jim, age 15, reached over and picked up a biscuit that was cooling on the counter." I got my lowest grade ever in English today", he said in a quiet voice. He went on quickly :" I spent too much time on the first part, before I could finish the bell rang. It cost me at least 30 points and lowered my grade".
"How upsetting", said his mother. "I felt awful, especially since I knew the answers. I went to speak to Mr Jones after class and he was pretty good about it. He's allowing me to write a report on a Shakespeare play in order to raise my grade. These are good biscuits." Grabbing a few and he was off.

Response 2

Jim reached over and picked up a biscuit, cooling on the counter." I got my lowest grade ever in English today " he said in a quiet voice." Oh well, you better get busy and make sure it won't happen again, " said his mother. "Have you done your homework?"
Jim's face clouded over. "What makes you think it will happen again?" he said in a loud angry voice. "You never give me any credit, do you?" he said, flinging the biscuit down on the counter as he stomped out of the kitchen.

What is the major difference between these two incidents?.

Clearly, it was the way the mother responded. It is fair to assume that in each case she was concerned and was unhappy with the lower grade. But, in the first situation the mom was skilful enough to open the channels of communication. The consequences of the way she talked were productive and harmonious. In addition, while becoming closer to her son, she learned of his sense of responsibility and interest in his studies.

What did she do? In the first situation she reflected to Jim his feelings in that situation. In the second, her veiled criticism and evaluation served to close down the communication channels.
This simple example could have a major impact on our relationships. More listening than talking is a valuable communication skill.

A few tips on how to improve communication :

Respond with understanding.
Treat each other with respect.
We need to be listened to in such a way that we know we are understood.
We need to express what we feel.
Reflect and rephrase.
Listen with affection and concern.
Send clear messages.

Communication Pitfalls to Avoid.

Criticizing : This is negative and not uplifting or helpful at all. Focus on building, not breaking down.
Judging : Get all the facts before expressing an opinion.
Labeling : Here we should take in to consideration, good and bad. Attaching negative labels to a person can never be good. By doing that, the person could start living by the attached label even if they're not like that at all.
Lazy, sloppy, shy, unkind, thoughtless are all negative labels.

Moralizing, Preaching, Obligating:

When we overuse such terms as: you should, you must, you ought, you are required : We are creating a potentially threatening situation. We should not preach, but rather counsel instead.

What I have learned from this research is that the word ' listen', popped up most of the time.
We can avoid tension in our homes and create harmony, understanding, cooperation and moral support.

Sources : RS courses of Study, Pixabay, Google images.