It was just a few years ago that I realized it was time to turn in my victim card and start taking some serious responsibility for my life.
You know the card I mean?
I used it to give me a free pass to everything from feeling like shit all the time to repeating the same sabotaging cycles, spinning my tires and accepting way less than what I desired all because .. "this, that and the other thing" happened to me and all because "he, that, they" did this to me. .
There was very little to no responsibility for myself, my actions ,my feelings, my life.
I rendered myself a victim, which was the very last thing I ever wanted to be seen as, without even thinking twice about it.
It was just so easy for me to say things like:
"I'm depressed,
I have anxiety,
My parents spoiled me so I don't know how to take care of myself therefore I won't,
My first boyfriend destroyed me and made me feel like I don't matter so I only attract men who reflect this belief back to me.
I wasn't born to be beautiful, talented, or extraordinary in anyway so my life is basically a waste....."
And on and on and on..
And for awhile I never saw anything wrong with this.
I just thought I got dealt a shitty hand and I couldn't play a good hand of cards if my life depended on it, so basically I was doomed.
Except I wasn't, I just didn't know it yet.
You see, we actually create our own reality and I spent most of my life knowing but not really understanding this and didn't make any rush to figure it out.
A few weeks ago, in the same week I had a few very different situations occur where It would have been easy to pull out and dust off my old victim card and my giant foam victim finger and point all my problems away.. from me.
Except that wouldn't have helped anything really and only would have made me feel more powerless and more like complete shit. (Which is often, believe it or not, more comfortable for most people).
These situations coming up all within days of eachother sparked a reminder in me of how easy it used to be for me to feel helpless and powerless.
And I was sooooo thankful I finally understood my power and my responsibility in all of this life stuff.
In all of those situations, all including either other people or objects (I backed into someone else's vehicle who didn't park appropriately - still my fault even when he wanted to take blame), there was a very clear and open path for me to shift the blame, to not take responsibility, to let someone else feel at fault either partially or entirely, to let someone else be in control and power over my actions and emotions by taking all the blame.
But where would that leave me?
The point I am making here, the thing I want you to understand the most from my recent lesson is that holding onto a "victim" status doesn't necessarily mean something bad or terrible or unwarranted happened to you. And it also can mean that it did and that there are very real reasons for why you feel the way you do. But either way.
Pulling the victim card means feeling helpless when in fact your life is fully and completely in your hands, yes, even when it seems the worst has happened.
And I know, you might want to argue this like.. I can't help that I Have this illness, or I can't help that this car came out of nowhere and hit me, or I can't help that my ex suddenly turned into a psycho, I can't help that I was cheated on and have trust issues, I can't help that someone attacked me and on and on and on..
But it's not so much about what you can't help as much as it is about what you CAN help and what you can do and choose to do NOW even when you were legitimately a victim at the time.
You can choose your thoughts, you can choose your emotions and your feelings ( <- go ahead and resist this all you want, it's true and until you believe it you're going to suffer), you can choose your actions and reactions, you can choose what you make things mean about you, you can choose who you allow into and keep in your life at any given time (I don't care how many kids, houses, financial ties, cars, plans etc you have together, you CAN choose.)
So, if you're currently in a state where it feels like life is happening To you and not For you.
If you feel like no matter what happens you're the unfortunate one.
If you feel like it's easier to shift the weight of your pain, anger, frustration onto someone or something else (traffic, partner, family, friends, waiter/waitress etc.)
If you feel like no matter what you do it's just "one thing after another."
Then I encourage you to ask yourself if you are truly taking radical responsibility in your life.
Ask yourself where you might be giving away your energy and your power.
Ask yourself if taking responsibility even when someone or something else is involved and it makes more sense to blame them feels impossible to you.
Once you understand that you have the power over your own life more than anything or anyone else, you can actually shift in miraculously big ways and life will start to feel like it's on your side again, becaue it always was, you just weren't letting it.
