Isolation: Wasteland of the Mind

A lot has been written about isolation in the digital age. We seem more connected yet we feel more alone. So, what to do about it? That’s what I wanted to dive into and understand the real causes and uncover real solutions.

It’s not just the emergence of the digital age that can place us into the quagmire of isolation but many life events such as:

• Graduating
• Moving
• Break up/Divorce
• Loss of job
• Death of a loved one or friend
• Retirement
• Growing older

I’m not going to go into the stages of grief that come with loss, but instead discover together the essential elements of connection the process of reconnection.

A 2016 New York Times article illustrated the findings of research on social isolation and the impact it has on our health:

“A wave of new research suggests social separation is bad for us. Individuals with less social connection have disrupted sleep patterns, altered immune systems, more inflammation and higher levels of stress hormones. One recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by 29 percent and stroke by 32 percent.”

Then goes on to say:

“Loneliness can accelerate cognitive decline in older adults, and isolated individuals are twice as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social interactions. These effects start early: Socially isolated children have significantly poorer health 20 years later, even after controlling for other factors. All told, loneliness is as important a risk factor for early death as obesity and smoking.

The evidence on social isolation is clear. What to do about it is less so.”

The article is very illuminating and I highly recommend you read it here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/22/upshot/how-social-isolation-is-killing-us.html

The Void of Isolation

When we find ourselves feeling isolated it can feel like we are lonely when in reality there is a void that we don’t know how to fill. Often time we may be going through a life change we have not even identified. The good news is that where there is a void the possibility exists to fill it and the process can be fun. Think of it as an opportunity to discover inner needs and meet them in a quality way. We stand at the precipice of opportunity to transform a wasteland into a luscious life of balance.

The journey of self-discovery will be our path out and through. Authenticity is our guiding light. We are wired for connection but not just any connection, authentic connection.

“Without the sense of fellowship with men of like mind...life would have seemed to me empty.” ~Albert Einstein

Parsing Out the Self

One of the advantages of social media, the ability to have your thoughts at your fingertips,is also one of it’s caveats. The ability to exercise self control when engaging with others in your social group is hindered by instant gratification which can be addictive and destructive. Our sense of self does not happen in a vacuum, there is no “me” that exists outside of relation to others or perceived others. Therapist Ephraim Frankel created a three pronged strategy to reconnect with meaning he calls A3.0 - AWARENESS, AUTHENTICITY, ACTION. He writes:

“Every social connection carries with it immeasurable potential to stoke curiosity, nurture compassion, facilitate sharing, inspire laughter and adventure and promote caring and kindness. It only takes a few human to human connections to offer some or all of those traits that make life so sweet.”

First we become Aware that social connection is really the glue that holds our sense of self together. Authentic connection becomes possible when we approach others with curiosity, compassion, sharing and fun to feed our souls. We then take Actions that are most in alignment with facilitating connection. This means that we analyze the way we spend our time knowing that true happiness comes from authentic connection rather than superficial pursuits like making large amounts of money, fame or how many “likes” you get on social media. Nothing wrong with any of these things within themselves just know they are not going to bring lasting, deep, authentic happiness.

Finally, neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman Ph.D. laid out his work of 15 years studying human social behavior, how it appears in brain imaging and how it makes us feel in “Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect.” In this book Lieberman illustrates how the pain we feel resulting from social isolation is actually an evolutionary adaptation linked to our survival. The very real pain we feel from social rejection is signalling to us our survival may be in danger without key relationships to depend on. We have developed a variety of emotions as a barometer for how we are being successful in fostering those relationships or not. In this short TEDx talk he outlines his work and findings from hs remarkable research on the human social animal:

Through harmonizing we naturally yield to the power of our social connections to influence our beliefs and thereby create our sense of self which is never fixed but continuously being shaped and evolving.

What do you think?

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@soulsistashakti is a musical artist and writer based in NYC. You can check out my music on my FB artist page at https://www.facebook.com/soulsistashakti