" If we seek paradise outside ourselves, we cannot have paradise in our hearts."
-Thomas Merton
We're In Love With The Idea We Have Of Someone
The way we perceive love is a product of our environment.
It is then no wonder we seek familiarity in love, as we unconsciously seek to reproduce dynamics that are already ingrained in our psyche.
Furthermore, the things we consume on a daily basis also leave their mark into the shadows of our unconscious mind.
The Hollywood movies and the mainstream media have brainwashed us into thinking that love is supposed to be some sort of blissful fantasy. As a result, human beings have mistakenly placed these ideals on their significant other.
What's even more interesting to me is the fact that we never took the time to question these unrealistic romantic standards in the first place. This is a sign which illustrates how asleep we are on a conscious level.
We search for things that don't exist. We expect our delusional ideals to be real.
No wonder we are so unhappy: we're asleep in fantasy land, unable to wake up and realize that we are the source of our own dissatisfaction.
The Brain Can't Sustain A State Of Euphoria Forever
While it's natural for human beings to idealize their partner in the early throes of romance, this idealized portrait of our one and only eventually dissipates before our eyes. Once the infatuation ends, we are faced with a rather imperfect human being. Those who can't accept this reality will be out, most likely on their way to repeat the same pattern with another person. Until they (hopefully) realize that the problem isn't always the other person: it's the way their mind conceives that person.
We like to think that we love our lover. But the truth is that we're in love with the idea that our mind made of this person. And this "idea" is based off our own perception, which is subject to a myriad of elements, including our personal and emotional baggage, our past, life experiences, etc.
What happens when our lover doesn't match the idea we made of him in our mind? We are essentially unaware of the conditionings of our mind, yet they are responsible for much of the thinking and behaving we do.
You are certainly right about me, or at least who I used to be. I have fallen out of love with love, it seems, and am left with what I am confident is an improvement. Rather than infatuation, I essay appreciation. Instead of passion, I seek restraint. More than romance, I undertake enduring commitment, because that's what love has been defined as to me: an enduring commitment to the well-being of people I care about. While that may sound dull, even unremitting betimes, in fact without endurance through thick and thin, commitment becomes false advertising, a trap to ensnare the unwary.
After the shattering of my family on the anvil of avarice, I was compelled to realize my idealization of my bride had led me to ill serve the real person I had married. Upon my sudden repentance, I determined to avoid that hardship and trauma dissolution of wedded bliss entailed, and began a decade long venture into abstinence. Only recently have I relented, and realized the transformation I have undergone in those long, formative years. I am no longer a youth whose exuberance overwhelms my percipience, and as a result my portion of partnership is both more and less substantial. I take less, and enjoy it more.
Truly blessed are those that can negotiate such stormy waters with their spouse, for it is a tumultuous journey, though when two can lean on one another and lift each the other over the obstacles throughout, the destination can be far more rewarding.
Thanks!
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This is a pretty deep topic.
In general you're probably right but it seems like you never met the right guy.
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What can I say I like it deep:P (no pun intended 😉)
What's a " right " person anyway?:P Aren't we all fucked up in our own ways after all? ;)
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😲lol I wasn't expecting that response. lol So have you changed your mind about the babies yet? 👶👶👶 🤣
A lot of stuff is subjective and you are a woman but yeah. 😉 lol
Some stuff is obvious though a guy you get along with well is way more right than a steemityourway beater. lol
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LMAO I was worried I wasn't going to be able to find a good one then then bam! lmao
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