The Absolute Truth About Me- Emotionally Distraught Non-Emotional and Emotional

Ok, let me start off by saying I am currently at an elevated conscious state right now, and perhaps, that is how I am able to tell all of this the way that it needs to be stated, in it's purest form.

I have had issues emotionally connecting with other people on an emotional level since a very young age. I had several short term relationships, but never a true connection. It is likely because of esteem issues as well as trust issues, which most likely go hand in hand. 

I got married when I was 28 to a Vietnamese immigrant with poor language skills, who I helped develop into an English speaking woman. The relationship was only skin deep, as I felt like she was a good woman, good cook and seemed to care about me. But due to the fact that I couldn't get deep, I sought out someone else who couldn't either. 

On our first Valentine's Day, I spent the rest of my paycheck to get her a pendant, and her response was "It's such a small pendant!". No thank you. A week later, she traded it in for the exact same one, slightly larger. I was destroyed.

Our second anniversary, I brought her and I a steak dinner with sides into her shop she worked at that her sister owned, and I even brought candles... She quickly hugged me and asked her sister if she was hungry, too. I was a bit bothered, but then all three of us sat down to eat. She spoke in Vietnamese the WHOLE time with her sister, not speaking to me. Afterwards, she said thank you and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was killed.

Despite all of these red flags, I decided upon her asking to have a child with her. We had a beautiful daughter together, that I have damned into a household that was destined to be broken. I will have to work the rest of my life to make it up to her, while not teaching her she should feel entitled. 

After six years of marriage, several fights and long nights of arguing, we divorced. My daughter has shared parenting with both of us. 

Since the divorce, I find myself dating one or two dates, then breaking it off. The longest lasted 3 months before I broke it off. None have ever met my daughter.

So I find myself with a black and white quandary... Do I seek out a relationship to make my life complete, with the chance that I will fuck up my daughter by making yet again another bad choice? Or do I bypass that part of my life to assure that she gets her dad 100% of the time, while also not showing her that I am capable of having a successful relationship? 

My mother never forgave me for anything I have ever done wrong, and my father was a submissive. I rebelled against his submissiveness while rebelling against my mother's heavy handed controllership. My identity has been developed on what is not wrong, rather than what is right.

I am totally stuck in a deep, dark pit romantically where nothing can be moved, nothing can change, as my self doubt, risk mitigation and desire to figure out my own heart so I don't make any more mistakes.