The potent smell of mini donuts, which I can't stand, is surrounding me as if I were walking through a carnival, my stomach fluttering with butterflies on a mission. My body trembles inside as if a lightning bolt struck me and is sending energy through my body.
What is happening to me? I lie in bed feeling my heartbeat rapidly beating... I feel it on my head as I lie on my pillow. It felt almost as if I were head-banging motionlessly. Why can't I get some sleep? I don't have the motivation or strength to move or get up to eat. I am slowly dwindling away to nothing.
I weighed a whopping 86 lbs and felt like a skeleton; walking around with no sense of being, emotion, or desire. I long for the day I can remove myself from these four walls in my home. I want to break free and one day I will !
...That was over a year and a half ago. Today, I remember that suffering and inability to be me. The above is an in-depth idea of what I went through and felt during my major break down with anxiety. I have had it just about 11 years now. I am telling you this because anxiety is very much underestimated, not talked about enough, and is considered a norm. When I tell people I have anxiety, they say, "me too, I get stressed about things." I tell them it is so much more that that. Many people really don't understand what people with the illness are really going through. I worry about things daily and get stressed easily.
People say " its okay"," you'll be fine," "you can control it," "don't worry so much." All of these statements bother me so much because If I could control it, i'd be anxiety free!!! We who have anxiety control the controllables. Anxiety "can be" a chemical imbalance and can affect people many different ways. If you have anxiety, then you understand and may even nod your head as you read this. I don't feel sorry for myself for the illness I have, I deal with it. My puppy, Sampson, really helps me get through my daily struggles.
This is me today!
And here is my puppy photobombing me!
I really just wanted to post this to my blog as it is part of my life. I really want to thank you for reading this post! I hope to one day have even more education on anxiety to better help myself and others!!!!
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Traumatised by mini donuts. That's a new one.
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No... not exactly! When your body is acting like a fire alarm is going off internally and your stress levels are high your mind can play tricks on your thinking you are smelling things that are non-existent. Our minds are quite powerfdul in that sense. I already do not like the smell of mini donuts so it made me feel even sicker.
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Do you feel that steemit is helping you overcome some parts of your anxiety, as you essentially are placing yourself in front of new people daily on here - I feel it should provide a pressure-less experience unless aiming to make this a job.
Also thank you for sharing, I know several people with crippling anxiety - my father included and understand how it effects daily activities.
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Thank you so much for the response. I think steemit has given me the ability to express myself as well as provide education to others. I also feel that this site provides a great way for people to become more expressive and share opinions. Why should I keep these things to myself? As they say "one mans junk is another mans treasure"
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I think more people understand. I struggled with mini anxiety attacks a lot. They used to leave me breathless and scared, couldn't sleep. Thought I was the only person going through something like this.
As soon as I opened up a bit to people, a lot could relate.
We live in very anxiogenic world.
But I did have those kind of "you'll be fine, don't worry so much" responses. They can be frustrating but nothing is as frustrating as feeling your body giving up on you, your mind betraying you, the chemistry of your brain working against you...
Welcome and keep writing. enjoyed and upvoted!!
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I do agree that more people understand. Moreover it is talking to the right people. You stated this perfectly... "feeling your body give up on you" I would wake up each morning with heart palpitations and wanting to get sick before I even got out of bed. I wanted so bad to rid the anxiety, but it overcame me. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
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This post was enjoyable to read because of the imagery and perspective it provided regarding anxiety. As someone living without this issue, this post helped me to better understand your struggles. Very nice writing!
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Very cute photos with your dog, I like
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I know them feels. I think you had it harder than me tho. I'm so sorry you've had that experience. :( I've found Celexa works miracles for my anxiety.
It's normally depression that kicks my ass and keeps me in bed. Things have been going well lately tho.
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Yes. I take Effexor and it works well. I don't have much depression, but I do get into slumps and I hate when I don't have motivation or want to talk...especially when I am a social person. I thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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