THINGS I'VE LEARNT FROM CAMMING

Cos I love a good list, and it feels like ages since I done a good list.

1 – I think I look alright now.

I used to be bored by the amount of men that called me hot/sexy/whatever. Not because of arrogance, but insecurity. I had the lowest self esteem, masked by TigerLily, and I didn't believe them. People see what I want them to see. Over time my attitude changed – why would so many people be so nice to me (and not even the creeps, but the people that I actually get on with)? Why would I let that stupid voice in my brain tell me any different.

Cos that's me. I'll always be awkward and weird, but I'm sexy as hell and embracing it.

2 – Fuck me, I thought I was a bit fucked but I'm not as fucked up as you are

Would I wanna make a quick tenner describing to a guy over the phone how he is gonna get actually destroyed by being gunged in cow shit and fucked by horny bulls? Well I did that. Like when I'd just started as well. I fucking did that, sat on my sofa in my pyjamas – this guy told me exactly what he was into.. I just made up the story. I wanted to be a fucking screenwriter, but here I am, making a quid a minute on't phones.

Anyway, I get really fucked up shit thrown at me, some gets denied (and if it's worse than drowing in cowshit, you can probs guess how bad) but some scenarios I fucking take up with gusto, because I'm being paid. And that's it. Here's an inside tip: Every cam/phone/sexwork girl is lying to you. And they use your fucked up fantasies as edgy dinner conversation. Or blog posts..

3 – It's fuckingg addictive

I must've threatened to quit so many times now. But I just can't. Not until I figure my shit out. It's not even like the money is easy. It's not, but I so don't want a normal job. I can't picture a perfect job where I am not my own boss. I do not want to write a CV and go to job interviews and pretend to be perfect, until I get the job and eventually expose myself as the work-shy arsehole I really am. I have plans. I'm saving up. Gonna rule the the world etccc.. You'll see.

4 – Newfound joy in so many things.

Feeling lonely? Just cam, talk to some funny idiots and feel better. Feeling fucking tired? No wonder, you made a fuck ton a money in a short time, getcha self a takeaway and chill out. Feel good, mad, bad or sad or anything inbetween all them things? Post it to Steemit.

Seriously. Steemit is probs responsible for keeping me sane but also a bit nuts. I almost deleted my account the other night, but I read through all my old posts today and it was a nice nostalgic reminder of the fucking amazing community still here. Also I enjoy reading my old posts, but that's normal right?

Well; A year ago I was a nervous wreck with a drinking problem. Now.. I'm basically the same with a narcissistic streak? Gonna enjoy the happy while it lasts.