Empathize with others. How many times have you heard people say, "I can't do anything unless I feel comfortable with someone else?" Do you find it amazing that a person can be so confident that they can achieve almost anything without first feeling at ease with themselves and their environment? When we are stuck in our own head, it is hard to let go of our fears or our insecurities. But if we allow those things to guide us instead of the other way around, then it is much easier for us to make changes in our lives.
Self-empathy is the ability to extend this kind of self-empathy to others. By practicing self-empathy, we are not only allowing ourselves to experience our own feelings, but we are also sharing those feelings with another person. If we can suspend judgment and understand what another person is feeling at the same time, then we are very much capable of empathy. This is true even when we are not aware that we are practicing self-empathy.
So how exactly do we practice empathetic skills? We practice self-empathy by being present with our feelings and thoughts; and we also practice compassion by connecting deeply with others. The following are the steps to being an excellent empath:
First, we must be aware of our emotional state. By being emotionally present, we are more able to extend our empathy to others. When we are not present with our emotions, judgment and criticism are still attached to our thoughts and feelings, which makes it difficult for us to act in a caring and empathetic manner. It is important that we recognize that there are times when we can't be present with our feelings because we are already overwhelmed with the pain of the moment or we are afraid that we are expressing anger when we are actually feeling sorry. It is important that we learn how to release negative emotions so that we can become more empathic.
Next, we must practice empathy by recognizing our own biases. We have all heard the statement that we are "colored by our past." This means that we unconsciously respond to situations and people based on previous experiences. Even if we don't realize it, we act based on the information that we have. If you are naturally highly prejudiced against the homeless, for instance, you will react strongly to a homeless person walking by or visiting your store if you have seen them around before.
Thus, it is important to recognize our own negative emotions and tendencies and then attempt to let go of them so that we can feel empathy for someone else instead. Being able to let go of our own negative feelings allows us to be more open to others and share their feelings too. Also, having a healthy fear of rejection or being criticized is another way that being an empathetic person allows people to feel more connected to others and feel less alone.
Lastly, we must be able to "cope" with those who lack empathy, instead of becoming defensive or withdrawing from them. Those who are judgmental and harsh are not only hurting themselves but also likely hurting others. Those with compassion will not judge but rather try to help. Those who have judgments will probably seek some sort of therapy.
A related issue is when a person tries to change another person because of previous negative experiences. While there is probably nothing wrong with wanting to be compassionate towards the less fortunate or living a more compassionate lifestyle, changing one's demeanor is definitely not the answer. If someone has been hurt in the past, that person is going to have to deal with those issues in addition to any possible empathy that one can have for another person. There is no sense in trying to become enlightened while still exhibiting behaviors that are judgmental. Instead, one should seek a new way of looking at the world that does not include living inside the same negative pattern from the past.
