Friendships.
They baffle me sometimes..
I've been thinking about this lately as I've had quite some experiences - some unfulfilling, some heartbreaking, some traumatising, others I just don't know what happened..
With friends people say you can be totally honest and true and have great relationships.
Not so with me.
Whenever I was too honest or too open I feel more ripped up because they did not reciprocate the same way, it made me feel worse to try.
It made me feel like I was in a more than friendship relationship with them and then I would feel bad because maybe it's my own fault it became that way.
Maybe I'm just not good at switching between best friends vs lovers?
Or maybe the people I chose for that role weren't "worthy" to be that role but I just wanted them to be?
Truth be told maybe to them I was just no where near that level, it was all me and just me.
I feel like then it's like an unrequited love.
It's just as painful if not more.
At least if it was an unrequited love you could cut off and move on because you never really 'began' but with a friendship that deepened and then to know you were not thought of the same is just heartbreaking.
Is it even possible to break up from friendship?
Oh how I hate these blurry lines!
At least with a relationship you could break up and have a clean start..
Maybe I'm just soft.
I am never the type to "de-friend" on Facebook and I would get upset if a friend did to me because that status means a lot to me.
The status that we are friends.
If we are friends in real life and on Facebook and then I was de-friended it would mean no friendship at all.
Broke up without telling me.
Depending on how well I know them and what I thought of them I would be upset no matter what, it just depends on the scale of how upset.
I know however that not all friendships are equal.
What I mean is that eg for person A , person B may be a best friend but for person B it may not be at that level, maybe they are just friends. I feel that I am person A more often though. I feel like I can get really clingy and maybe that causes people to repel away.
And suddenly I realise - I know that runs in my family too unfortunately..
We all just crave that deep relationship that we can't get from the people we want it from.
Lucky for me I do have one best friend who I can share almost everything to and not feel ashamed and that is my husband.
But I am still sad that there isn't really a girl who can be my best friend though. I would love to be able to talk more about girly things and dramas, parenting and things guys don't like to talk about.
Is there anyone out there who wants to be my new best girl friend?
#bff #bestfriend