Derek Sivers, one of my all time favourite people, just released a new book called Hell Yeah or No to his e-mail subscribers. 'Hell yeah or no' is a philosophy that goes like this: when you are asked to do something, anything, with your time, it needs to be a 'hell yes' or a 'no'. Nothing in between. The reasoning is this: if you say yes to the things that are not that important, you won't have time for the hell yeah things in your life. In other words, the more you say no to things, the more time, energy and focus you will have for the things that will really excite you.
I wanted to share some of the other great takeaways from the book and I hope you snag a copy for yourself (https://sivers.org/n).
The public is not you
Have you ever been offended by someone commenting on one of your blog posts? Or provided a nasty comment on your Youtube channel? I certainly have. Derek's point here is that your public persona is just a character, similar to how an actor plays a character in film or TV. You can hate the character, but the actor underneath is unfazed. It's just a character they are playing. Similarly, online, we all play or have a certain persona. So why take offense to comments directed to that particular persona?
Present-focused and future-focused
This is something I have been thinking about a lot, especially writing my next book on long term habits. I wanted to explore this idea of specific actions or strategies we can take now so that ten years later, we are a completely different (and hopefully better) person.
Derek, as always, succinctly says this in one post where there are two focuses that we can have at any time. When we work out, read, or eat healthy, we are future-focused. We are not necessarily thinking about the benefits now, but what will happen later. Whereas when we go out with friends, spend time with children or our partners, or watch Netflix, we are present-focused, we want something now. I cherry-picked these examples, but that does not necessarily mean one is good and one is bad. These are just two ways of looking at the same things in life, but which result in different attitudes and actions.
As I think about this more, I think about situations where I do not like spending money on frivolous things and the arguments I've had with friends. For me, this is a future-focus that I have. Whereas I know for some people, they are present-focused. They do not want to save the money, they want to spend it now.
Getting out of a bad state of mind
What do you do when you are angry or frustrated? I know what I like to do: basically all the things that I have to do anyway. Activities such as eating, sleeping, exercising, cleaning / chores. For me, the routine of specific activities help to ground me and in a way, ground the feelings and emotions I have. Have a huge blow up at work? I take it out on the kettlebells. Getting anxious because there are bills to pay? I get a good night's sleep.
When you are in a bad state of mind, focus on the routines that you normally do.
Subtract
I particularly like this chapter on subtracting. In a society where we are constantly adding things (adding experiences and projects to our resume, adding possessions to our home, adding dollars to our bank accounts), it is a good reminder to think about where we can, in our lives, subtract to make us happier.
For example, the minimalist or essentialist movement and getting rid of things that you really do not use or 'bring you joy'. Or fasting to reduce the food you eat for health benefits. Or work (delegating, eliminating) so that you are really focused on the work that truly matters or that you enjoy.
Unlearning
This was another interesting chapter for me. We have all learned certain things as we grow up, either through reading books, experiencing it, or through advice from others. But how do we know what we know? And what is to say that it has not changed over time?
This chapter is a wake up call to help you truly understand something. It is also, with a related chapter, why advice that we give and get from others may not be very good.
When I think about my life, I am constantly surprised about the things that I thought I knew, but has since changed. I used to think that index funds were the way to invest and that nobody could beat the market through individual stocks. I used to think that I was terribly smart being a slow thinker (sometimes taking action is better).
This is not to say that everything you know is wrong, but to say that in the hopes of learning and getting better, you have to unlearn the things you now.
Derek has another book coming in 2020 called 'how to live' which I'm excited to get once it comes out. Again, I hope you get a chance to check out his books and articles.