Anti-Night

 There were feelings that would wash over my body  periodically. They made me touch emotional depths that I had never  experienced before. Made me question myself whether I am suffering from  some kind of a Psychosis, if I am mentally inept, or if some of my brain  cells have simply evaporated into nothingness. 

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My inabilities and  insecurities would knock the door to my conscience almost every night,  pushing me into the future and dragging me back into the past, forcing  my hands off the present that lay right before my eyes. So apart from my  mother's delicious food, my pills started to make room in my stomach,  chemicals that would loosen the ropes that constricted round a cowering  rat that was my conscience. 

I felt like I could breathe again. Nights  weren't sleepless, mornings seemed beautiful and healthy, and the void  that would open up in my chest every night, seemed to have calmed down  like a lion after a good meal. It didn't take me much time to notice  that nothing really had changed. I was still the same person I was  before, radiating gloom and melancholy, frozen under layers of ice,  captivated by my choices.

Some people I had lost,  some I had gained, and some stayed the same. The ones who are with me,  big or small, are the ones I currently, with all my heart, love and  respect. I would only have fallen into a deeper hole without these  people in my life.

The only thing I want to say is,  please, don't claim to have "open doors" or "open inboxes" for the  depressed, anxious, mentally deficit when you know very well that that  isn't even a tad bit true. 

I would be, along with hundreds of others,  happier not seeing people share and post these crappy messages for likes  and shares when they simply fail to understand the gravity of it. I am  totally fine with people not trying to reach out due to their own  reasons. 

Please don’t be a hypocrite. You are only mocking the  handicapped. Don't claim to be something you aren't.

 

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