Is personal growth a danger to your relationship?

What is more important, your career or your relationship?

Hello, dear Steemits

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      If you are going through a process of personal growth, including the pursuit of development opportunities, how will you know that your partner will still love you as it changes? Is it possible for you to grow "too much" for your partner so that what he or she loved is no longer there? And can it stop you?

The first step in answering these questions is to recognize that we seldom change our whole being at one time. When such things happen, they generally occur due to serious head injuries, after which the person's friends and family say that he or she is a completely different person, but in more general circumstances personal changes occur gradually. You have a new hobby, you go back to school, change careers or even accept new goals and dreams. Some of these changes are more significant than others, but in terms of their personality and character in general, they are gradual changes that probably do not lead them to be "different".

More importantly, these decisions are based (ideally) on the solid foundation of your existing "I", "you", which stems from a long history of all your past decisions that finally change their character. In this sense, the things we do for personal growth and development are like any other decision we make. They are an expression of our personality, they only reveal those aspects of which we did not know. How many times have you opened a new occupation or passion and thought? "How could I not know? It's as if I was born for this!

If a person loves you, you should be happy when you find something new that you love and help you grow as a person. In the process, it is likely that you have changed a bit: you spend more time with a new hobby or with new friends, and maybe you prioritize differently, including the time you spend with your partner. But for the most part it's still the same person, the person your partner fell in love with.

But what happens if your partner's feelings change? There are several possible explanations. First, he or she loved you (if you can call it that) for relatively superficial reasons. Suppose you met and fell in love with your common love for pop music of the 80s, and then your tastes changed. If this leads to a change in your partner's feelings toward you, then he or she will probably never appreciate it based on something deeper than this common interest. (Now this is love ruined). Ideally, our partners love us for who we really are: for our personality, character and values, for all the fundamental elements of ourselves that are less likely to change when we find new opportunities. For growth and development.

But another reason is that over time, you may have changed some of these fundamental aspects of yourself. While our personality, character and core values ​​do not change when looking for a new hobby or career, they can change, and often change over time, as all small decisions accumulate and accumulate over one another. And although this change may be useful, your partner will not be able to do this, and this is understandable. Your partner fell in love with one who was at a certain point in time. If the most fundamental things in you change over the years, it is possible that your partner does not recognize the person you fell in love with and it will be difficult for you to keep the same love for you.

Also, if you experience these personality changes while communicating with someone, your relationship naturally depends on your communication. For example, when a person in a relationship receives a job offer that requires them to move across the country, that person is naturally divided between career growth and relationships. The career in which you have spent years is important not only for you, but also for the relationships in which you may have worked so hard. The choice between them is often a heartbreaking decision, precisely because both are very important to you and to know who you are.

We like to think that people love each other because of the appreciation of the fundamental essence of their partners. They continue to love one another through mutual growth and change based on deep devotion. While we expect our partners to continue to love and appreciate us as we change, it is important to recognize the possibility that we can change them fundamentally enough so that even the most deeply grateful partners think about who we are. One can legitimately ask when the person he loves seems to slip away, replaced by another person who looks exactly the same, but behaves very differently. This can be tragic, but in the end it can lead to the fact that the two people who once adapted perfectly.