Forcing Happiness Can Be Disastrous

“Depression is not a sign of weakness, it’s just a sign that we have been strong for far too long” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I recently sat through a group of lectures given by well-meaning leaders at a business seminar. Something one of them said gave me the inspiration to write this.

When anyone gives the advice to be positive 100% of the time, I often laugh hysterically. That is impossible in my opinion and it shows a lack of understanding of the fundamental nature of this reality. I’m not here to put anyone or their message down, however, I would like to give another perspective on this.

You see everything in this world, which we are all a part of, goes in cycles. Night and day, summer and winter, awake and asleep. Plants sprout, they bloom, then they decay, and die leaving seeds behind so that the cycle can repeat itself. We breathe in and we breathe out attached to the constant cycle of life. Everything is constantly in motion, this is the Yin and Yang energy that is constantly circling each other like a wheel.

This is the natural way of things, the ebb, and flow, this is how the universe operates. It works the same way inside of us. You are never in the same state all the time nor would you want to be. How boring would it be to have everything be the same all the time, it would be a prison of monotony. So by our very nature, we go in cycles of emotional states.

I’ve had these cycles my entire life and sought to understand them. Because I always felt like I was doing good when I was up and that there was something drastically wrong with me when I was down. Like I had life all wrong and I needed serious change. You see I used to think that successful or spiritual masters were people who were happy and blissful all the time. I thought that was the top of the mountain, that the pinnacle of human achievement was to be in a constant state of joy. Now I know how mistaken I really was. There is no top of the mountain, there is no end to the journey, there is no place that you come to in life where you are just in constant bliss forever and ever.

I used to think this was a possibility but more than that it's what all the success books I had ever read told me I was supposed to strive for. Inevitably, every time I was down I was very hard on myself for being that way. I was in a constant struggle against my own feelings doing every technique imaginable to fight against my temporary spurts of depression. What is ironic is that this idea made the lows even worse. I hated being down and I hated myself for feeling that way. I hated everything that had put me there in that place.

What I am talking about here is not just being grumpy or cranky. I’m talking about being seriously down, feeling completely alone, unloved, and in utter despair. Now is there a way to turn thoughts and feelings and moods around until you feel great again, of course. Believe me, I have studied most of them out there. However, there is a difference between going from neutral, or slightly off, or just early morning cobwebs and turning those feelings into joy versus going from all the way down and depressed up to joy. It is a serious struggle, or at least it is for me. That is when I realized I am at war with myself and no one is a victor in this battle. I always made myself wrong and there is no way to be happy or feel good about yourself when the thought “I’m wrong, or I’m stupid, or I’m not good enough” is the emotional place where you start from.

Then I read a beautiful line in the Tao Te Ching chapter 29 “….there is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind. A time for being in motion, a time for being at rest. A time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted. A time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The master sees things as they are without trying to control, she lets them go their own way and resides at the center of the circle.”

I began to think what if there is a time for being down, a time for feeling low, and what good could possibly come from that? And like the universe often does I had a flood of answers come to me in a myriad of different ways relatively fast.

Here are just a few. What if being down held you back and kept you away from unseen danger? What if you were meant to feel deeper and this was simply a way to do that? As if the heart needed to explore all feelings to know itself. What if feeling deep sorrow would grow my ability to have empathy for those who were down?

What if every time you felt depressed or low it opened you up to deeper emotions? What if going through the downs is how we can truly enjoy the ups? What if the thing that you’re depressed about, whatever it is that put you in that state, is simply a part of you that needs to be examined? Some part that needs love and attention.

I think we tend to not like the feeling of being down because our natural state is to feel happy and loved. So when we are down we really notice it. Hopefully, you have not been down so long that happiness is the thing that feels weird to you because that is a completely different problem for another time.

The true understanding that it is okay to be down and that you are still unconditionally loved when you feel that way creates lasting awareness and inner peace. Not beating yourself up about being down and in the valley of life is an amazing gift to give yourself. Because it removes the guilt and self-judgment which takes away the struggle and moves you to acceptance of this state of being. To just say to yourself “I’m down and it’s ok, everything is for my greatest good including this day I don’t feel my best. I know I will become more from this moment and I am grateful to experience this new level of awareness. This too shall pass.”

My natural state, the way I usually act is calm, and level headed. I lean on logic and examine things from a cool even-tempered perspective. Now that is not to say I don’t get upset, I still have buttons that can get pushed. I am telling you this for context. I actively take time every morning, when I am at a neutral state or sometimes cranky, to focus on the things that make me happy. In practicing this I feel better about my day and the events that unfold more of the time. However, these days, when I do feel low I don’t force myself to try and feel better. I don’t try to push my way to happy. I just accept it. I accept that “there is a time for being down” and it helps because I don’t beat myself up thinking I should be anything different than I am at this moment. I remind myself that there are no mistakes, and everything is always for my highest good including this.

In essence I am going through the side door to 100% positive. Not always happy, not always upbeat, but at ease about being down low when it happens. Accepting who I am and how I am feeling 100% of the time. Keeping centered with the inner stillness. I accept myself for who I am and love all of me including this part that needs my attention, true unconditional love. I’m not in a rush to change and I don’t feel forced to be any other way than what I am. There is a peace that comes with letting go of being anything other than yourself. With being here now fully authentically you. Hopefully you can take solice in this the next time you don't feel 100%

Keep in mind too that sometimes we all just need a little nap

Good Journey My Friends