Despair

How can I be strong when all I want to do is lay down and die? Sleep evades me. Food disgusts me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, all because I can no longer live the life I've known because none of it fulfills me anymore. I feel completely unloved and unlovable. I feel like my pain over the years has overwhelmed me to the point of complete despair. I had been telling myself I could look forward and see a light at the end of it all, but right now, all I see is a pit of darkness that I've willingly stepped off into. "What if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?" Right now, my wings feel shorn from my plummeting form. How can I love myself when I hate everything I do, except write, and love others wrong? Suicide is not an option, but God, dying sounds so good right now...