My true emotions towards her

What is happening to me? Why all this in my mind? Where am I going? What am I changing to? Is this a form of madness or delusion? Am I the first to experiencing this? If yes, then it is madness or insanity. If no, then we can come together and share our experiences. I am feeling strange. It is too heavy for me. I can not carry it alone and I need to share with someone. But the question is who could understand me better?

Well, let me give it a try

Some years ago in my life, I felt everything was normal and I told myself many times that I could go through the earth plane the way I started it. I would not need "that". I said it is a choice. You decide what you want and you choose for yourself. Ergo, I have chosen this path and would not bother myself to have "that" on my side. Funny enough, at adolescent stage somewhere Junior High 3, I changed my mind. I took a new decision, albeit I gave myself a strict condition that whatever happens "that" and I must stay together till our last exhalation.
What or who is "that"? "That" is a girlfriend, a lady, a partner, a woman, my half.

I saw her in 2015. She was and now still adorable and admirable. Truthfully, I only saw her, greeted her and still greet her, but do not know her much and have not told her how I feel about her. Apparently, that is the source of all these questions. I think most people who will read and listen to my story will say it is obviously clear that I have and know the solution to this matter. It is that simple. GET TO KNOW HER AND TELL HER. Right? Sincerely, it is not that easy, you know?

She is invariably in my mind, in my dreams, in my imaginations and visualization and in my sleep. I feel her presence every second of my life. I imagine her all the time but nothing seem changing. Could this be love?The worse part of this story is that, we meet every blessed day. Sometimes she smiles at me and I smile back so happily. And sometimes, she passes by without a word. Deep within me are millions of words that my mouth can not vocalize.

When will I break this ice of silence? When will this chain of cowardice break from my neck? When will I put myself together to approach this illusion which appears as though a roaring lion? Upon these series of questions, my best excuses are: can I handle her? Are we compatible? Am I her coequal? Is she not already dating? The most annoying one that flows through my mind and spoils everything always is; do you think you deserve such a beautiful lovely charming lady like this? Huh what an inferiority complex!!! Buddies, I need answers. Maybe a cure because this might be sickness.

My words sound like I am acting less about my situation and excusing myself the more. But in reality, I think am doing something. I am trying. I am doing what I know. What seems not working for me is I am clueless. I have no clue as to she loves me, too. I do not understand her gestures. It seems I always think for her, expecting her to act in a certain manner towards me or say something that will mean love to me. Why this?

Two days ago was her birthday and I wrote on her WhatsApp wall "I was very surprised and unstable for the first time and I said to myself heaven must be really small because I can see it right in your eyes. I decree you walk in prosperity, wisdom, understanding, power, self realization, harmony, love, felicity, and healthiness forever. Happy birthday to the one I secretly admire"

It is obvious that she has seen and read the message. Guess what? She had said nothing. She had been silent all this while. Could her silence about this lead to something? Does it mean something good or positive? Huh! What should I do? Or maybe she is annoyed with me? My emotions and thoughts are swallowing me up. I am drowning.

Today, I have really appreciated that knowing is good but never enough until applied for result or desire. We know by learning, asking, studying or reading. You can grab more knowledge when undertaking any of these activities but it is advisable you put the acquired knowledge into practice before any results can be obtained. This is like a farmer who has all the seeds and the seedlings he needed. If he fails to grow them, he can not reap or harvest crops at the end of the year. It is that simple.
I thank you all for reading and helping with leverages, not for only me but millions of pals out there. Long live Steemit, long live family.