How to encourage your partner



1.Don’t be controlling.

Trying to control your partner’s actions can backfire. When people feel as though their freedom to do what they want is being threatened, they’ll cling to that threatened freedom more—like a child who desperately wants to play with a specific toy simply because it’s forbidden.
When you try to control your partner, you’re restricting their freedom. For example, a wife who pushes unwanted healthy dinners on her husband may inadvertently make him even more likely to grab fast food at work. This process also operates on the unconscious level. In two experiments, researchers found that simply reminding people of a partner who tries to control them caused them to behave in ways that directly opposed that person’s desires.

2.Get Your Priorities Straight

Like all things worth doing, making things work will require a bit of planning and discussion on individual priorities — sharing our goals with the other and establishing a strong understanding of what it is that we need out of life. It may seem a bit over the top, but if you have made it to the point in your relationship when you are beginning to seriously visualize a future together, then it’s as good a time as any to actually consider the logistics of your future situation.

3.Remember That They're Still Their Goals, Not Yours

Although you are in a serious relationship — maybe even married — your lover’s goals are still his or her goals, not yours; and it must remain that way. What makes goals worth having is the journeyed traveled along the way. If you butt in too much, you’ll end up taking that away from them. Think of yourself as an on-call advisor or assistant. You give advice only when asked for it and lend a helping hand under the same circumstances.

There are instances when your partner will ask you to be more hands on, but keep in mind that you are doing this for them and not for your own personal gain. Will her success make her very happy and in turn lead to better interpersonal connection and heightened sexual intercourse? Surely. But still, your goal is to help her with her dreams at that moment and not your own. Your partner should do the same in the same manner.

4.Give Each Other Space; Growing Separately Does Not Mean Growing Away

Sometimes the best thing you can do for the person you love is to give them some breathing room. To the individual undertaking the task, working towards the goal is of great importance and is difficult no matter under what circumstance or in what industry. The worst thing that you can do is smother them; it may seem like loving to you, but to them you’re a distraction. There will be times when smothering is what is wanted, but I recommend waiting until you are given a clear signal, like: “Baby I need you right now.”