Try this when you are feeling irritated, agitated, lonely, anxious: LOVE.
Last Friday and Saturday were rough days. I fell into loneliness, disconnection, despair. I cried so much I got a headache. Then Dale Allen Hoffman reminded me of my true nature - that I am a conduit, a vessel, a stream through which love/God flows. So I remembered to breathe and open my heart and surrender to God. I put my cranky 3-year-old to bed and instead of being irritated by her displeasure of going to bed, I spoke very sweetly to her and surrounded her with my love. She hopped into bed and instead of fighting sleep, she said I love you and goodnight and fell asleep within 15 minutes (she usually takes 30 minutes or more).
My brain is conditioned on the negative side. I tend to see what's wrong with things, what is lacking, what needs to be fixed. This conditioning was formed by genetics and by my parents negative thought patterns. There was a time when I was resentful and blamed my parents for making me so anxious, depressed, and negative. But I am more compassionate now, and I see that they too are a product of their genetics and conditioning from their parents. They also had much more external suffering to deal with - poverty and death of their fathers. How can I be mad at them? They suffered so much yet they immigrated to a country where they could not speak the language so they could have a better life. And then they suffered working 14 hour days, 7 days a week, missing their children, enduring racism and a host of other problems. Now, I only have love and sympathy for them. Loving them seems quite easy in comparison to having love and compassion for myself. But at least I see the light at the end of the tunnel - there is neuroplasticity. I can work on rewiring my brain so that is conditioned to love. I'm beginning to have compassion for myself when I fall short. Becoming pure love doesn't happen overnight. It will take perhaps years. But this is the meaning of life - to love unconditionally - everyone including myself.
Who out there is also on this journey?