Alfred Kinsey concluded that any research based on the emotional aspects of sex would be too subjective and open to personal interpretation. He chose to use responsiveness as an objective measure of sexual activity. Measuring physical phenomenon is a very natural male perspective on sexual function. Kinsey acknowledged that this quantitative approach to his research resulted in omitting a more qualitative assessment of sexuality.
When we suggest that a couple spends some sexy time together, the inference is that they engage in the genitally focused activity. We tend to define sex and sexy in the way that men understand these words, in terms of eroticism. But women can find spending time with a lover cuddled up on the sofa watching a sentimental film, very sexy. They may also find it sexy to spend time having a romantic dinner. A woman does not get the same emotional fulfillment from sex that men do. But that does not mean that a woman cannot enjoy sex. A woman can appreciate many aspects of sensual pleasuring because she does not have men's pressing need for orgasm.
Sexual activity is any behavior that is directed towards achieving orgasm. But if we consider the person giving oral sex and the person receiving (vaginal or anal) intercourse, even though they are not aiming to orgasm themselves, their behavior is still sexual. So the role of facilitating another person's orgasm is just as sexual as being the person who has an orgasm.
There is an aspect of sexual pleasure that is uniquely defined by orgasm. It is the satisfaction of obtaining a sexual release, together with the muscle spasms and relaxing aftermath that go with a good orgasm. Men have a natural advantage because they experience orgasm more commonly than women do. But men lose out in other ways that only women can appreciate.
Because of their sex drive, men naturally assume that the function of sexual activity is to focus on the genital stimulation that leads to orgasm. They assume that women respond as they do and that women seek genital stimulation above all else. But genital stimulation is only pleasurable if you are aroused and women are not aroused (enough to orgasm) with a lover.
