How men fall in love

in love •  6 years ago 

How men fall in love

How am I ever going to commit to one woman when I just want to have sex with everything in sight? Chances are every man at some point have thought this question in his head, especially as a teenager.

Let’s talk about how men fall in love, why men fall in love, and how men process love.

As a teenager our hormones are running rampant and bouncing all over the place and all we want to do is have sex, and it’s all we think about. Takes quite a few years for them to calm down and settle. And I think the idea of sex overshadows men slightly, because well into our twenties and thirties are we thought to be led by our estranged members, dictating our every move, determining whether we’ll be happy on one day but sad the next.

I think it’s where a lot of women go wrong too. Or so my wife tells me. That for a woman to open up early and try to have a long term relationship based on sex is going to leave her empty and unfulfilled when the relationship settles.

I’ve had a few younger men question this actually. One asked me, perhaps last year, why he doesn’t feel the spark anymore? Why his heart isn’t jumping into his mouth and wanting to be around her all the time? To me that’s just the settling into a long term relationship phase, where the couple relaxes and settles into their normal routines, and all the pedestalling and chivalry and pretense fades away. When both couples get comfortable. It’s a natural phase of a relationship. Or one that’s moving into the long term. The stages of falling in love, if you will.

And perhaps we don’t know too much about the mans idea of falling in love, or at least it’s not talked about. I’ve never read any articles about it. Us men like to imagine ourselves as iron blocks, impervious to the emotional drama that’s slung our way. Rocks, we like to portray ourselves as, especially in the media. I see it all the time, in dating tips, pickup guides, and all sorts. I read this stuff a lot because it interests me. I write about it, so I’m interested in it.

What I’ve learned about women is that sex is like a switch, they turn that shit off for months on end, but us men, we’re like machines in that sense. If we don’t have sex it’ll build, and build and build until it just needs to be handled by ourselves. And let me tell you, the longer men go without ejaculation, the stranger and fucked up those thoughts become!! But that’s not to say that I am condoning forced sex or anything like that, there are plenty of ways a man can satisfy himself whilst still being completely faithful to his partner, and without using porn. But that’s a different story, I feel I’m getting sidetracked.

For me I understood that I was in love with my [now] wife when I was blistering angry at her, but I would still want to protect her. Strange, right? The thought came to me when I was really angry at her one day as we were in town shopping, yet I still wanted to hold her hand – this may seem counterproductive but you can take away from that which you like. A good meme on Facebook was an old man, angry at his partner whilst holding an umbrella over her head to protect her from the rain whilst he, himself got wet. That’s the behaviour of a man in love, and it sort of snuck up on me.

It’s not a lovey dovey all happy thing like it’s portrayed in the movies; something that I had to work hard to get my head around, it’s just the idea of being in each others presence and being completely comfortable. I remember bending over once and asking her if there were any spots on my bum; that sort of comfortable.

There’s also a freedom, trust and non-control to love that I find deeply interesting. I feel I’m quite a catchable guy, and if I were to end up single again I would have no problems finding another suitable mate. But, I completely don’t want to. My wife satisfies every need that I ever have, I just wouldn’t want to have another woman. I want to be my wife’s until my last dying breath. And for men, love is totally not staying with his partner because it’s scary outside, or he don’t want to lose his house, or he feels there’s nothing else out there. It’s about wanting to be with his partner because he chooses to.

And then that brings me to the age old question about his eye wandering. I appreciate the occassional beauty, and I expect my wife does too. It’s natural. As humans we’re naturally gifted to appreciate symmetry, but what love is certainly not is kissing / groping / sexually touching or having sex with other women. If he is doing this without his partners explicit concent then it’s definitely not love, it’s not trust either, and it’s not respecting her.

A man will respect a partner that he loves, so he definitely won’t walk all over her. Regardless of any man that says we’re not emotional beings, we just are. There’s a lot of emotion involved in respect, or so I’ve come to understand that in my near eight years of Marriage, there is a deep respect to love that’s unquestionable, so he won’t be laughing at his partner, or shaming her in front of anyone.

My friends in my earlier years would joke about me “being under the thumb” because I would tell my partner everywhere I was going to and how long I’d be, not that I wasn’t allowed to go, only that she’d know where I was and what I was doing. Then I’d get back home and laugh, or be sad, or sometimes cry about my adventures. And she needn’t ask I’d just offer the information up to her. And to me there is a deep and sacred trust between partners, a man that loves his woman will always be truthful to her no matter what.

For me love is quite a mature concept, there’s a trust, respect, faith in each other that goes beyond the physical. I’m not sure I could have achieved that twenty years ago. I had in my head that love was the feeling in my stomach, the wanting to be around someone always, the pedestalling of their every move and behaviour, but as I grew older I realised that had became obsession, and obsession isn’t healthy in my eyes! It’s the idolising of someone, when in fact, everyone’s shit stinks the same.

SB-Marvel-Family.gif

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

This is so good @raymondspeaks. I love how mature you analyze the whole thing. It is not because you can't find another woman but you don't want to. Completely overwhelmed by this :) love is really more than a feeling because feelings fade. Even when you are angry, you would still want to protect her, that's like true love surpassing the momentary feelings!!!! There are so much gems in this article that I can't pinpoint too.

My friends in my earlier years would joke about me “being under the thumb” because I would tell my partner everywhere I was going to and how long I’d be, not that I wasn’t allowed to go, only that she’d know where I was and what I was doing. Then I’d get back home and laugh, or be sad, or sometimes cry about my adventures. And she needn’t ask I’d just offer the information up to her. And to me there is a deep and sacred trust between partners, a man that loves his woman will always be truthful to her no matter what.

I have to read this again and again, hence resteemed You are a true and powerful man, @raymondspeaks!!!

Thank you @happycrazycon - I resteemed this from my website - this post broke it once ;)

Great post... although sometimes this is just the opposite for some couples. Or maybe I just need someone to tell me where this damn switch is for us women so I can just turn it off. Things would be easier that way.

What I’ve learned about women is that sex is like a switch, they turn that shit off for months on end, but us men, we’re like machines in that sense. If we don’t have sex it’ll build, and build and build until it just needs to be handled by ourselves. And let me tell you, the longer men go without ejaculation, the stranger and fucked up those thoughts become!

@byn You know, I knew this haha. I once dated a woman that would wake me up in the middle of the night for sex and I couldn't perform. It's safe to say that relationship never lasted for long. Men always say they want to date a woman with a high sex drive until they actually date one, haha. Now, if I was 19, it'd be fine, my drive was through the roof. But I was 28 when I met her and she wanted it allll the time lol

I relate to this so much, of course I don’t have a wife lol, but I relate to it.

Sometimes when your telling your partner where you are going and how long you are going, you just want them to know and like care for you, everyone has this and trust me it’s normal to love your wife in a relationship.

In my relationships I’m more calm and humourous, but when it gets to loving the person I portray my love through anger and no I don’t hit her or any of that sort, but it’s just a way of me expressing that she belongs to me.

That's interesting - I'd love for you to expand on that a bit more? :)

I feel a sense of possessiveness but not control, as she has her own life and I have mine but when we are together let’s say in the same room, I don’t attention to anyone but her and she shouldn’t pay attention to anyone but me.

Telling my partners where I am or what I’m about to do is kind of like self pampering myself.

@moarafatshow Not too sure, it's about reducing her need to worry about what I'm doing. It's about forging trust within a relationship :)

It Was Easy for you to Write About Men in such a Precise way! But I bet you need to write a Whole Book to Tell "Why and When Women Fall in love"😂

You'll be surprised actually. Women aren't more of a mystery than men lol

Lol! :D I just can't believe!

@faady92 Thanks :)

what a moment!!!
very nice!!

Thank you :)