It is not selfishness or unselfishness that distinguishes love from nonlove; it is the aim of the action.
In the case of genuine love the aim is always spiritual growth, doing things which will benefit another human or even groups.
The statements in relationship's love like "I can't live without you" is parasitism, not love, there is no free choice, no freedom involved, so it's not love. Love is the free exercise of choice.
Two people truly love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other. They are not totally dependent on each other, and with their independency, they choose to become parts of each others journey.
The separateness of individuality is maintained in true love, it's the accepting of each other deeply with flaws too and mutual confronting each other to grow and develop.
True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision.
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