HOWTO: LOVE!. We Can Only Love Each Other To The Extent That We Love Ourselves & Why Men Fail To Understand Women.

It is a basic fact in life that we cannot give what we do not have and that extends to love too. Some of us who have claimed to be enlightened have preached about love and then gone on to say that loving self is 'selfish' or 'egotistical' - neither of which could be further from the truth.

To love self is to listen to our own needs and to make sure that they are being met. This is not about imagined desires, but about actual, real and felt needs. To love self is to also respect your own essence and beingness at the existential level. It is quite amazing the amount of ways that humans have been conditioned to deny and reject themselves and to call such self denial 'normal' and even 'healthy'! Body wants to rest? Too busy. Emotional body feels angry - block it out, carry on. Pain in the head? Take a pill - block it out, carry on.

Much of what passes for medical care, judicial process and education is ultimately unloving and it is in understanding what is truly loving and what is truly unloving that we can begin a process of embodying real unconditional love for the first time. For example, to the cold, calculating and unemotional mind - a court case is just a process of getting to the facts and making decisions based on that - but anyone who has watched a weather prediction on TV knows how ultimately flawed such judgment making can be. Given that court cases can result in imprisonment, loss of wealth and even separation from children or death in some nations - it is clear that a court case is not only about making decisions but also determines whether love is going to be experienced by the people involved or not. We also run our own court cases in our own minds fairly consistently as we interact with other people - until we learn that such behavior is both unnecessary and unloving.

The best possible outcomes in life require the presence of love and love must be FELT to be understood.

It is possible for the same words to be spoken and in one case for there to be a loving intent and thus a loving feeling and in another case for there to be no loving intent and an entirely unloving feeling. Key here is that intentions can be felt and contain within them the underlying willingness to act in particular ways, plus also may include felt vibrations that reflect whether or not the will is being respected or if the will is being overpowered and denied in the mind. An overpowered and denied will effectively means that our mind is ignoring desires and felt needs in favor of logic and 'reasoning'.

In human terms all of this can be illustrated by the relationship of a husband and wife. It is common for men to say that "no-one can understand women" and even "women are crazy" - but neither of these statements are right understandings. The reality is that women are typically more aligned internally to emotions and thus are more emotional and it is not that women cannot be understood, but that men need to FEEL the women in order to understand them. There is no amount of logical, sequential thinking that can make up for a lack of empathic feeling and connection. When people evolve to states of compassion that only become possible through unconditional acceptance of real emotions, we will dramatically transform as a group and in our ability to understand life and to succeed on all levels.

How to Love More

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We need to be clear about what love is. Society has heavily warped the ideas being held about love, such that many people think that love means 'doing what other people want' or 'getting other people to do what you want' - whereas, in truth, both of these can occur without the presence of love. Love needs to be FELT, this cannot be overstated.

Love is an acceptance, a respect and a caring intention that leaves no stone unturned and no voice unlistened to in it's task of keeping us together, unified and in balance. If we deny part of our own being then we will feel it - until we have denied our own feeling parts so drastically that we cannot even feel any more. Self denial is the number one way that we are unloving to ourself and how we make ourselves unconscious and lose power. So ending self denial is absolutely paramount to increasing love.

I have written already about emotional processing and my heart healing series is a good place to start to learn about what is needed there. The short version is that we need to learn to use our mind to listen to our feelings - to "feel with the mind and think with the heart".
By feeling into our own thoughts and into our experiences, we can learn much more than is possible without feeling and in this way we can also learn to feel what is the most loving option in every experience and thought process. Through fully accepting our own feeling parts and our own heart, we increase self love and thus are then more able to really love others in a felt and total way.

Reciprocity

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This is a great word and it essentially means 'the allowance of a continual flow between us' - so if one of us acts or even thinks in a particular way that is loving and heartfelt towards another of us, then that other 'returns the favor' and matches that new, loving vibration. When this is continued, then the outcome is ever new joy and love. It is essential to break through the conditioning and beliefs that say that, for example - "I will treat others as they treat me" - since they typically shut down expansion and prevent love from manifesting. Imagine if everyone lived by this rule - how would anyone ever treat anyone any better? If the best we ever treat anyone else is only ever as good as they treat us, then there is no possibility in an increase in the quality of how we treat each other - the only way, therefore, is either status-quo/sameness or a decline in the quality of our relationships!

It is true that in a world that has been so ravaged by lovelessness and imbalance that it can seem that love does not even exist and that love is not powerful or needed. The reality though is that love is the source of everything that we need and it keeps us in balance - so we cannot find the truth about love until we bring it in to our life and our home in the ways that are right for us and that are needed now. Much like many things in life, we have to be willing to seek and create and thus then also experience love, before we can fully understand it and value it's presence.

Wishing you well,
Ura Soul

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