I'm a man that has come to define myself with sex. It's not something to brag about, and if I knew when I started out what I do now, I would've worked on my long game and abandoned the short almost entirely.

It's exactly akin to the old bull and the young bull on the hill story. I know its sexist and mysogynist, but anything worth savoring deserves to be adored from scratch. I wish wishes were granted and I could un-hurt, un-confuse, un-alienate so many times from the past.

You are definitely an old soul, snowmachine. An old soul with the body of a vixen and the wisdom of a crone. Now here you've found your strength and confidence through writing to let the inner truths be freed and unleashed upon the world - those with an ear for what rings right and the sense to judge a book by its content can clearly hear your voice.
Hail and awe to ya, ma'am!