Long Days being a mom

My life is so full even though my family has dwindled down-and I can honestly say that having such a small amount of close family, or hardly any family that we see-since my father passed away in '09- has made it evident he was the glue for my family! I am still close with my mom, she is amazing, but only one person so we do not see her as often as we would like and we do not ever have help from family anymore since my dad passed-but that is okay it has made us a stronger family!! My father lived with myself, my husband, my son(who was 5 at the time) & my middle daughter (who was 5 months at the time) I had checked on him prior to leaving for work, as I always did before I left, just to make sure he was not hungry or needed anything at all before I left, even if it was re-wrapping his legs-he was diabetic & had congestive heart failure & his legs would swell and when they got too tight they would bust open so keeping them wrapped was very important, & we did have a nurse that came daily, we had been through a few but finally had one my dad loved, he was 50 & she was 38 & drove a mustang..he looked forward to her visits, he loved flirting with her lol and she flirted back just enough to boost his ego! He had always been a great looking man with a magnetic personality, & he could make anyone laugh! As he got more and more sick he gained weight and that was just him- the way I remember him- always happy and as time went on he started losing weight rapidly!! I knew he was not doing well but I truly thought I had many years left with him, I was wrong- the day I left for work on November 15 2009, would end up being the very last day I saw my dad alive, as I left I told him I loved him, his response in his sleepy voice was "I love you babygirl, so much" I said again do you need anything dad..he said just sleep-& kind of grumbled it...the night before he had said something that bothered me and I had no idea why he said it, he first told me not to leave him home alone while we went to the grocery store.
he said he felt scared- that scared me, I asked if he needed to go to the hospital amd he said no, I.said what is wrong dad? He said nothing I just felt scared, so he was not left alone, & that night when I got back from the store he and my son were playing Tekken 6 on ps3, he was loving it! He called me over and hugged me and said I know I have always asked to be cremated, but I have changed my mind, I want to be burried, I do not care who has an opinion you tell them this was my wish! I said dad don't talk like that! He saod I am just saying for the future..he stayed up late playing ps3 with my son..his only grandson at the time...he had such a bond..he and my mom only had daughters..so you can imagine his excitement! Anyway back to the following day, I left for work, as I arrived I had an odd feeling like butterflies in my stomach, I set up and waited on a few tables, I printed out a check for a table it was 17.77 for 2 drinks and their dinner tab was separate it was 77 77, I just knew at that moment something was not right! I ran to the front and told my manager to watch my tables, it was 7:17 on the clock! too many coincidences-maybe, but that is what let me know to call home! I called my dad he did not answer, I called my husband and he did, I said.please go check on dad, he said I habe he is sleeping he did not sleep last night, I said GO NOW! SOMETHING FEELS WRONG, he assured me it was not, but checked anyway...I heard him say dads name a few times, then the phone dropped/in the background I heard him tell our son, go in thre buddy- everything is okay..and I knew it was not! I ran out of work- called 911 and drove as fast as I could! He had passed, he waited until I was gone and he somehow let me know! I will always believe that! I know most people do not believe that is possible but because we were so close I know that is how he reached out to me..I miss him everyday, but I have not heard from him since..I always want to bit maybe thay is why I don't- Since his passing I have been so blessed, Life has still had it's ups and downs but I truly feel he is watching over us somehow and helping me in ways I would of never dreamed possible- I really have never put this inyo words but I felt I needed to...I do believe people can know when it is their time and he did..and he did not want me to see him that way- By the way as hard as it was for me to make it happen I did give him a burial, & homored his dying wish!
The above picture is so 80's but that was us :)
The 2nd pic is of my dad and his brothers- only 3 survivers- the other 3 died at or before age 50 !

My youngest daughter never met him she is almost 4, but talks about him as if she has known him her entire life- we keep him alive through our stories, but to hear her talk it is as if she has met him
Just had a day today when I missed him a lot