Why are married women heavier than single women? Because single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge!
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time.' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 6.4 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the rump steak, medium rare, please.'
She said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started...
A woman was looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's absolutely perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.....
Lesson learned: Don't ask a question if you cannot predict the answers.