Something that’s always fascinated me is mastery of one’s domain. To different people this means different things, but to me it means operating with agency, knowledge and confidence amongst all things in your immediate space. To me, it always meant plainly, being able to fix anything that you own. Growing up watching my Dad always have an answer to any mechanical, carpentry, or general question made me realize that’s what I wanted to be for my own kids. Now was he right every single time? That’s a question for a different day, but to me, as his son, it seemed he always was.
The thought of mastering ones domain begs the question, when does manhood start? They are intrinsic to one another, and for this yes, I am speaking of the only perspective I understand, the male one. Manhood to some starts at different times depending on your circumstances. For some, over exposed to hardship and the necessity for independence at a young age, manhood can come as soon as 15 (in some senses). Some never achieve it due to parental constraints and other factors. To me, manhood begins when you begin to conquer your domain.
Conquering your Domain
In a very real sense, conquering your domain means that you have at least a semblance of a notion of how to fix anything that could break in your home, car, or your general living space. Simply put if your car overheats you have an idea of what could be wrong, if your due for an oil change you don’t need to take it somewhere else or if your dishwasher breaks you can take it apart and fix the root cause. The last one may seem simple and from a technical perspective it is but the willpower to simply sit down and diagnose your appliances or your cars is what matters. It’s too easy these days to call for a quick fix for peace of mind but what you’re sacrificing is agency. Agency in your own mind grows with confidence and agency in your own space comes from mastering everything in it.
Will
The technical expertise will come, if you let it. Having the will to pull machines apart, look at wiring, fix trim, patch a roof, all of it, requires one thing. The will to learn. An ever expanding thirst for knowledge can be gained with one shamanic phrase chanted over and over again, Why?. Why do things work the way they do. Why did they always work this way? Why did it change over time? Why can’t it work a different way? Usually stop with about 4 whys otherwise that’s a good way for early onset Howard Hughes and we aren’t build planes here but, we could? Ask yourself why in every scenario and don’t fall victim to the trap of overwhelm. Look at the smallest pieces of your problem and build a model from the ground up through a series of discovery whys. This first principles approach will allow you to understand the problems most basic systems and in time allow you to understand the system as a whole using your own approach. On top of will the next most advantageous trait in this quest would be curiosity.
Curiosity
Now the objective for this is to be able to fix anything or at least have an idea of how you would fix anything in your space. But, you need to start somewhere and your proclivities are usually a north star. Do you like woodworking? Start there. Naturally love plumbing? Go fix a toilet that won’t stop running. You get the point. Start where your interests take you and expand on your knowledge base from there. Nodes in your mental knowledge base usually have many children whether you think they’re related or not. Acquiring as many neuronal nodes as possible to expand your knowledge base will expand your skills as well as instantiate the framework by which you approach new problems. By solving problems you learn tools of the trade both literally and figuratively. Learn to use pliers fixing a bent staple, then graduate to use a pipe wrench to fix a leaking shut off valve. Tools usually have more than one use in this kind of work, much like in many lines of work. Growing your skillset working on one problem may and probably will pay dividends when working on another.
Get Uncomfortable
Knowledge transfer from family is the most essential way to become skilled in your domain. Neighbors and your immediate community are the second best. Offer your help in exchange for learning to neighbors, co-workers, local mechanics, anyone you who will take the offer. The most uncomfortable feeling as a young man is knowing absolutely nothing in a physical discipline, the second most uncomfortable feeling is being a 40 year old man who knows nothing about a physical discipline. Neighbors and family are often more than happy to dish out tools of the trade, wisdom, and skeptical theories to steer you in the right direction. In exchange for banter, demeaning jokes, and sometimes a bit of trash talk. All of these, including the trash talk are healthy skills on your road to mastery. This is no easy feat. Putting aside your ego to hone your skill is a skill in and of itself and the hardest part is setting aside your pride to ask to learn from another. But generationally this is how we as humans have learned for more than 200,000 years. The second (actually second) best way to learn is simply by being human. Have problems, I promise you they will naturally arise anyway and be ready with a keen spirit to solve them by. Watch tons of YouTube videos and go at your own pace. You’d be surprised the confidence you’ll feel by doing something as simple as putting new screws in a wobbly table leg or cutting wood to heat your own house.
Caveats
In short, I ***king hate working with anything propane related, I barely even want to turn on a grill. Charcoal? Hell yeah, I’ll cook on that all day. Will I fix my hot water heater that runs on LP? Sure if I have to. Will I fix my furnace that runs on the same? Hell no unless I have no heat and it’s the middle of the winter. The point is, limitations are essential. The way in which you approach a project will be skewed if you approached with fear, find what you absolutely do not want to do and supplement accordingly.