All of these discussions about teaching men not to rape and teaching men not to send unsolicited dick picks are all, dare I say, alluding ideas that we took for granted in the process of raising boys to become good men.
Good men aren't feminine and harmless.
If a woman who is attracted to men actually likes the idea of her boyfriend hiding behind her during an assault, or likes the idea that she'll grab the gun or the baseball bat during a home invasion, and that her dude will retreat to the safe spot with the kids, I haven't met her. I definitely haven't dated her. If you're that woman, by all means, come in and tell me that I'm missing the mark. But, yeah, in general, I don't think that I'm missing the mark.
It's not a new concept to teach men to respect women. It's probably the oldest lesson that men have ever been taught that we should be strong and capable and reliable. That translates, pretty clearly, into how I was brought up. "Stop bitching. Learn how to defend the home. Never raise your hand to a woman. Never put your hands on a woman unless she wants you to."
That's teaching men to not rape and not send unsolicited dick pics right there, and the naughty words never needed to be said. My dad never needed to sit me down and give me the, "Don't whip it out unless she wants you to." talk. There was just a time, not so long ago, when we tried to teach boys how to be proper men.
I know that a lot of people don't want to hear this; but, a part of teaching boys to be proper men is understanding that there are roles that we inherited when we were conceived. Notice that I didn't say, "Assigned at birth." That's because my IQ is around Arizona room temperature.
We're never going to help anything by teaching boys to be more feminine. All we're going to create is what we're seeing now -- a bunch of young men who want to have sex with women, don't know how to attract women, don't know how to be proper men, and they get frustrated and angry.
We're never going to get rid of bad guys. There will always be evil in the world. Let's finally be real and honest, most people in prison for actually harming somebody are men.
If we want to make a positive cultural move, I think we need to take a big step backward.
We have to talk about men. We can't just talk about toxic masculinity and how men should be more feminine. We need to talk about what it is to be a proper man.
There are complex lessons and philosophical questions. Still, as a baseline, it seems like a positive step to teach boys how to throw a punch, but also when to not throw one. Yeah, we should be okay with boys being embarrassed when they're beaten by a girl; but, we need to follow that up with the understanding that that embarrassment shouldn't come close to the shame a man should feel for hitting a woman.
Learn how to be the person who can defend your house. That means being capable of hurting a bad guy who threatens your house. It Also means that, if the woman in your life is afraid to come home to you, you're failing as a man.
Be strong while being in control.
That's the life that you were blessed with the moment you ended up as a male.