Foster Care

I grew up surrounded by dysfunction. I remember CPS coming to my home, watching them drive away and wondering why my little sister and I weren’t in the car. When I tell someone I spent a lot of time on the streets, I get the same look – pity. It’s interesting because the streets were a safer place most of the time than my house. Working with foster children I have read things that are hard to process. Physical abuse, molestation, rape, spending hours in a closet or basement, being emotionally demeaned and belittled in ways most of us can’t even comprehend, not having enough food, relying on hand me downs for clothes and shoes, being cold, chronic fear, having a back pack stashed for a quick escape if necessary. That was my life growing up.

Opening my home (and my heart) for foster care and adopting children within social services touched an empathetic chord for me. I was one of those children. For nine years I was licensed as a foster parent and for 3 more years I did foster care for a private placement. I feel blessed my life was touched by the many children that came through my home. I was having biological children while doing foster care and it’s amazing to look back on my journey from the 17 year old that was in college to a 46 year old woman with the equivalent of a football team living in my home.

I began my journey with foster care when my oldest daughter was 4. It seemed at the time emotionally draining to get through the paperwork and home-study. It was time consuming, the classes were eye opening and heart wrenching. I was driven by my own childhood and the knowledge that I could make a difference in the life of a child like someone had to me. It was a combination of healing myself, paying it forward and making a small difference in the world. It was letting ALL of my children know they are worth it, they are loved, they are safe, they will be cherished and I am proud to be their Mommy. Things I did not feel growing up. Things every child should know.

I ended up with 13 biological or adopted children and 2 that aged out of the system with me. I have no idea how many passed through my home during my time as a foster parent, but I have been touched by the life that I chose and the children that I was blessed enough to have with me for a time.

My journey with foster care (and parenting in general) has been a roller coaster ride. I don’t intend to insinuate that bringing children into your home is rainbows and unicorns. If you asked me to describe my experience quickly I would say. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It’s time and money and sometimes feels consuming. It’s selfless. It’s exhausting. I cry. I wonder if I did enough. Above all?? It’s gratifying. It has moments of absolute bliss. It’s the best time I’ve had. It feels fantastic to give of myself. I feel young. I laugh a lot. It’s worth it. Anything in life that’s been difficult for me - training for a marathon, giving birth, having a successful relationship, raising children – every time has been worth it. Whether it was the foster children that came and went, came and stayed, were adopted or biological. It was worth it. Just like my third grade teacher was pivotal in my life – in making me feel worth it – a foster parent has the same ability to impact a child.