one of those mornings

we all have them.
mondays seem to be the worst days of the week just lately.
hard to be productive.
to get into a rhythm and get on with things.
questioning if it has value or just busy work.

went to sleep at 3am after playing world of tanks blitz (lol)
woke up at 7:30am, fell back asleep until 8:05am
drove to the doctors to drop my prescription for inhaler (i need one pretty bad)
dropped the eggs this morning.
vpn was playing up. ugh.
my right eye in the corner has puffed up again.
ugh, you know the days right?
just a cascade effect.

climate data coming in, hottest year. quakes in new zealand, aftershocks. overwhelming sense of being, place and existence. do you ever get like this? feel overwhelmed at the sheer scale of the spinning rock we frequent in an ever changing balance.

i sometimes feel so connected with the ground beneath me and the pain we constantly inflict on it. i feel without retracting from societal norms all together we could never stop the slow death grip we have on the planets resources. i mean i’m absolutely positive the planet will be ok - but we do a sterling job at making sure we fuck it for ourselves.

sometimes the really real hits home. i sometimes think elon musk is right and this is some kind of game that is playing out, to see how we cope with different problems and issues. even create new ones overnight.

anyway, not here to cast any more dread. i wanted to really share how i rebalance when things like that happen. it might be useful for people who retreat to their usual safe places - spending money, watching youtube, eating, pampering..

just lately for me rebalancing comes in the shape of torrents for later after i’ve done the job, i kinda treat that as a treat. when you work in the same place as you sleep you have to be really on top of things if your going to get any work done. it’s a code of conduct to yourself. it’s too easy to nip out to a coffee shop, create a distraction and write a day off.

after finding my mental balance, calibrating for the ‘best possible’ based on current energy levels i looked at what could be done today to try and salvage the day so i never had that nagging little voice later on in the day that would have tried to make me feel bad if i had done nothing at all. do you have that?

i’ve re-do the expected calendar for course releasing, looks like i’ll be working on and off between now and the 13th of january to get everything done. i’ll be ahead of the curve for courses in december (it’s gonna be close at times) and it’s a lot of work but when you have a target and a goal you have to do everything in your power to crush it.

something happens for me when i do that. i feel like something gets unlocked or released in the universe, like a universal effort calling card. like hey, i’m taking part universe, give me a break here m’kay! - i think effort is really undervalued, i’ll be interested to see if cryptocurrencies expose that better instead of that ‘behind the scenes’ way of working we have had up to now.

think about it.

if we have super fast internet connections everywhere that it becomes normal to be actively connected 24/7 with no lag or interrupts what happens to our lives. we are merely at that stage an active node in a network that is either sending or receiving. we become the organic blockchain element, black mirror starts to look more real at this stage! (even thou we are living parts of it already)

so yeah, i just wanted to write. i wanted to take some time and partition it between focusing my annoyance at all the fails this morning, drink a coffee, write something that falls out of my brain that is not scripted and written to earn me some steem dollars but instead just allow myself to type.

i’m kinda wanting to really integrate on steam thou, that i can be straight about, i’ve been so jealous seeing everyones photos from the first steamfest. felt like i was watching the very first podcamp we put on here in the uk. nothing like the first of anything, especially so when it’s a conference. in amsterdam too of all places, if you ever wanted to recalibrate and talk about future trust, authentic connection and address some demons it would be in that place!

pay day from my courses in a few days time. need the money, gotta pay my vpn and put some aside for christmas. i’m hoping for a good payout this coming december from that. i’ve not got to the point yet where i can feel secure at the income coming in. i’ve got to switch really to udemy again for that. i’ve been having drip feeds from that all year. i must do more there, i think i could easily clear $500 a month plus my skillshare.

i keep having visions of a new laptop, new photo for media capture and communication (podcasting) and that vw t5 transporter so i can travel to europe and back - you have to keep fighting for what you want. not the image of it but the actual experience. doing it for you, your well being.

great.

i’ve hit that natural stop point. i need the toilet, my playlist on vlc is nearly done and i’ve finished my coffee.

how’s your monday going?