Do you have kids? How about nephews or children in your life from folks you hold dear to your heart? If you do you have probably at one point been invited to and/or attended a kids birthday party or a baby shower or a baptism. The more friends you have the more events you have. And if they are in school..well...the number of events can go up substantially.
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My kids love them. It's like going on to parties but kindergarten level. There are snacks, pizza, sweets and cake. There are friends, laughter, joy and toys. There is music, dancing, balloons and games. What's there not to love and look forward to? And my children especially enjoy hanging out with friends in an informal setting.
For someone, who is more often as the years go by, experiencing social anxiety and I needs to push oneself hard to go and hang out with folks it can be challenging to attend all of them.
So the last month was especially rich in events of that kind. One day I came back from the kindergarten with three birthday invitations. And that was not all. We had or will have, in a span of one month, six birthday parties, a baptism and a baby shower.
This were all given to us on the same day. I almost had a stroke.
I did not look forward to all of them, to be honest. The idea of that much hanging out with folks I don't think really like me, so much small talk, and a thousand mini panic attacks in the few hours of it...too much. On the other hand, I really looked forward to others, like my daughters best friends birthday. I love her mom, even though we are just acquaintances she is so sweet and nice and honest. And I love going to my friends kids birthday. The one thing that sets my anxiety through the roof is when I think someone is side-eying my kids and being judgmental towards them. I know it's a mama bear syndrome and I really don't expect that everyone likes my kids. They do tend to have tantrums on events like those, well, one of my kids does, so they can come off bratty but my friends know them and accept them and I can be more relaxed at events like those.
And I especially enjoy baby showers. They are not fancy parties like we see in movies. Croatian baby showers or ''babine'' are when you come to see a baby for the first time. You bring a gift over and have some coffee with your friends. And Croatians being Croatians, there is, more often than not, some curated meat and cheese or cake. You get to smell a newborn, and hold them a little and go home and sleep all night while your friends don't and won't for years to come. It's a bittersweet experience of your ovaries going down with baby fever and your brain remembering the reality of having kids that are not potty trained and can't make his own breakfast and put on a cartoon so you can sleep in on the weekend.
Back to the most damning part of the whole party season thing: The cost of it all. I feel like the biggest asshole for pointing this part out but it's so much money. I enjoy buying presents. I enjoy planning them. I love giving out. But this month it all just piled up to a ridiculous amount of money. As always I decided to cut some stuff for myself in favor of the birthdays, in the end, I probably won't remember which month I went to the dentist but my kids will remember the great time they had with friends. It is my eternal conundrum: what to buy and what amount of money is ok to spend. I feel like an asshole if I buy a cheap present because of few reasons, firstly, I know how much money it cost to organize a birthday (and a few time that amount for a baptism) and I want them to know their effort is noted and appreciated and the other one, which I'm not proud of, is that I feel like they will have a bad opinion about me (which I shouldn't care about frankly and let's be honest, no one thinks about me or my actions that much). My kids get the most beautiful presents that or the more expensive side so I somehow put the burden of the expectation of giving the same in return. It's easier to buy stuff for the kids I know. Like for example my dear friend (bok Ana) that is on the same minimalistic, no waste path that I aspire to be on. I bought glass bottles for her kids and a booklet. I spent maybe 10 euros, if so.
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Generally, I settled on the amount of about 20 euros. That normally includes a book, a coloring book, crayons and a chocolate. It's my go-to set for when I don't have a clear vision for a present. I really love it when I know what I can buy. When I can buy it from a small manufacturer or a hobby crafter and add an extra special personalized touch for the kid I'm buying it for it really brings joy. Is there even such a thing that is more heartwarming than childs joy? So I have kind of a love-hate relationship with buying presents: one side of it is that I love the giving part and the other side being it can really amount to a lot of money if you have to attend many birthdays in a short time.
I also love how much effort others put in choosing presents for my kids: books, art stuff and toys made in Croatia. One year they were really into Playdough and I posted a photo on Facebook of them playing with it and they literally got a few kilos of Playdough for their birthday that year. It was not the spot on presents that ware what made that Birthday special, it was the attention, love and thought put in it.
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We didn't attend all of the Birthdays in the last month. For some, we were sick, for some my rabbit was sick and went to the E.R., for some things just didn't work out but the whole experience really made me think that I should start to work on being ok with saying ''pass'' on some of them, for whatever reason. When you attend an event and would rather be anywhere else it's not really a nice thing to do, is it? I was thinking a lot about that one lately. About half-assing stuff. It's a horrible habit of mine. So I want to make it one of my #nyr to half-ass as few things as possible. Childrens birthday parties included.
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Which leads me to my last point and that is our birthday party. My kids one, to be precise. My husband and I have a season( Wink, wink, bad sex joke, luckily no one reads my posts ) so all of my kids have a birthday in a span of a month and I tend to celebrate all of their birthdays together. It used to be the highlight of my year. We had all kinds of themed party from Star Wars to Trolls. I would start to plan the Birthdays as soon as February. But this year...it seems to be more of a chore than a joy and I kind of hate my self for it. But we finally set the date and booked a photographer, well, asked a friend to come and snap some photos because she's a genius for catching the moment (check her out @sanjalydia). We don't have a general theme this year, we have several of them, so stay tuned for the whole process and party photos in the end.
A general one
Star Wars
Octonauts
What's your take on kids birthdays? Do you lavish out on presents or go for the more modest ones? How about when throwing your own party? Do you go all out or keep things simple? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments! Credits for the ruler go to the brilliant @cryptosharon