Three weeks ago, I decided to go back to doing all the physical activities I used to do before I got pregnant. Well, I have actually decided almost a year ago but I just really did start going back just this month. If youve faced the dilemma of choosing between sleep and exercise, when you're a first time mom, believe me, the struggle is oh so real! Then you have these little angels in your head having an unending battle of opinions of what you should and should not do. One says you should go and take the time for a quick 5km run. The other says you should just relax so you could produce more milk (I breastfed my baby for 11 months.) Then you think 'How could I relax if I'm tired?' There's also a part of you that says "Just accept it, it's all part of motherhood." These are just some of the thoughts that have come to my mind when I think about exercising.
Then I decided to just live with it. I thought about making my peace with the fact that I'll never lose that load of kilograms I earned during pregnancy, just think of it as a motherhood badge. I succeeded for just a couple of weeks until I exploded which resulted to a positively negtive lengthy post in facebook ranting about how much I despise my weight and my figure. :(
One of the reasons I couldn't really start before is that I feel guilty that I'll have to leave my daughter to my sister just so I could go to the gym. When I start enjoying something but I'm not with my daughter, I feel like I'm a bad mom. I feel like I'm selfish, that I'm putting myself first before my daughter's needs. (Believe me, being a mom is no easy feat). And we're not talking about the tasks that was added to my plate because of the responsibilities of raising another human being. I'm talking about the guilt trip mothers go through when we do something that is not for our kid. I worry that I may be seen as a useless mother, or that I fon't care about my daughter that much, yadda yadda yadda. :/
But then again, one has to be happy so she can make the people around her happy. Moms have to feel good about themselves so she can function properly as a mother and as a wife. Let's not forget that there's also the husband that also needs caring and what have you. Man, being a mom is tough!
So here I am, trying to regain my self esteem. I'm done being mistaken as a oregger with a 6month belly (I still looked pregnant at 1 year post partum). So from here on amd moving foward, I'll be in the gym. Burning these belly fats. Losing these post partum weight.
I'm starting to feel good about myself again. I don't feel guilty anymore. People can go ahead and say whatever they want. But as for me, at the end of the day, I will always be my daughter's mother. I'm just choosing to be a happy mom for her.
