A close friend recently lost her home and all her belongings in the devastating fires that swept through Los Angeles. While she faces such a harsh reality, I find myself mulling over small, imaginary problems that seem trivial in comparison.
My guess is that I am clinging to these minor issues as a way to distract myself from the much larger and serious challenges our country and the world are facing right now.
Despite having spent 25 years reading, writing, and exploring Buddhism and the concepts of psychological well-being, I often feel I should have a better grip on handling my emotions and thoughts. When I began my meditation practice, I viewed it as a means of self-improvement.
I believed that through meditation, I could sharpen my thinking, make wiser choices, and rid myself of the grudges and negative feelings that clouded my mind. The process felt similar to going to a gym; with consistent effort, I expected to become a better and happier version of myself.
In many ways, this approach worked for me. Once I made meditation a regular part of my routine, I noticed a significant shift in my state of mind. I generally felt calmer, more content, and less critical of myself and others. However, moments of backsliding still occurred. I would revert to old patterns of thought, and often, I would find myself stuck in these cycles.
I shared my frustrations with my meditation teacher. He reminded me that the true aim of meditation is not to reach a permanent state of happiness or peace. Instead, it is about becoming acquainted with my own mind. Meditation teaches us to recognize the small annoyances that can take up too much space in our heads.
Before meditation, I believed everything that troubled me mattered. If I was fixated on a particular annoyance, it must have significance. Through meditation, I learned to watch these thoughts as they come and go.
I realized they are usually just repetitive ideas that do not hold much weight. The key is not to try to get rid of these thoughts, but to allow them to come and pass without getting attached.
My teacher provided an analogy that continues to resonate with me: the image of a diamond in the mud. In Buddhism, there is a belief that everyone possesses “Buddha nature,” an inherent state of purity and light that does not require any fixing.
Babies are a clear example of this; we see them as perfect, and no one judges them as flawed. However, as we grow into adults, we start to see ourselves and others as problems to solve.
We feel we need to address our issues, rid ourselves of imperfections, and overcome a fundamental sense of inadequacy.
This trend can be partly explained by biology. Our brains are not designed to make us happy; they are wired for survival, helping us navigate dangers such as wild animals or conflicts with others, as psychologist Elisha Goldstein pointed out to me years ago.
On top of that, our culture plays a role. The dominant narrative often tells us that we are born flawed, but through hard work, we can achieve redemption.
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