As I stated at the start of this series, one of the things I want to do this month here on my blog is to share some very helpful words of wisdom on love, courtship and marriage.
My wife, @thelovejunkie, is a terrific love catalyst you should read after. I recommend you take the things I'll be sharing here about love for the next 12 days and study them along with the things she writes.
Expect this to be eye opening. I'll be as simple as possible and as direct as I should be.
So, let's continue our conversation on Sexual Compatibility. If you haven't read the first part of this teaching you can do so by clicking HERE
These are excerpts from my teachings at the last Relationship School Conference held in October 2017. You can find more teachings on our LOVE ISSUES page on Facebook
Let's go straight to the point as I share some light from God's Word on this subject.
1. You Don't Have to Fall in Love Before You Get Married
I can imagine the look in your face right now. I know this comes as a surprise to many reading this because all our lives we've been brought up to believe that someone has to first fall in love and then, marry.
The question we should ask is, from where did this idea come? Is that how God says it should be?
I found out the answers to these questions as a very young man and it made my life easy and sweet.
I laid hold on the truth and it made me free
It's not wrong if it happens that you get to love someone strongly before you marry the person. Of course, some level of physical attraction is important.
But it is wrong to say you must have to have strong feelings of love for someone before you can go ahead to marry the person.
Who made that rule?
Besides, the fact that you have strong feelings of love for someone is not a guarantee that you should marry that person.
Listen, God never told the man to marry who he loves. Rather God told the man to love who he marries.
These two are not the same thing. Let's take a look:
Marrying who you love is marrying the person you fell in love with.
Loving who you marry is making a decision - a choice - to love the person you marry (this has nothing to do with whether or not there were strong feelings of love for the person before you married that person).
As you can see, there's a very sharp and distinct difference between being in love and choosing to love as there is between day and night.
Husbands, Love Your Wives
This is an instruction given to men. As you're about to see, this says a lot about God's perspective.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands love your wives...
God is telling the man in the above scripture that from the moment you marry a woman, you're under obligation to love that woman.
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Why is God saying this?
One of the reasons is because falling in love first before marriage wasn't the way marriage was done.
It still isn't the way it should be done. Love is first and foremost a choice a person makes.
The assignment God clearly gives a man in this regard is not to marry who he loves but to love who he marries
Notice that in the above verse God doesn't mention whether or not the man feels like loving her.
This is because the feeling of love is not as important as the decision to love. The decision to love is what will give rise to the feeling of love.
Did Adam First Fall in Love with Eve?
When God brought Eve to Adam, we're not told anywhere in Genesis Chapter 2 that Adam was in love with Eve or that Eve fell in love with Adam.
If any of them fell in love with the other, we're not told so. Why were we not told that?
Very simple.
That information is not necessary or important in the launch of the commitment to marry someone.
Two persons can marry each other as long as there's a bit of attraction. They don't have to be in love with each other to marry.
Now in the present world people live from outside in. They want to feel they're in love first of all before they make a commitment.
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But we're to live from inside out. This is how we God designed us to live.
Concerning making a marital choice, we're to first of all have an assurance in our HEARTS that so and so should be the person we marry, then we make a commitment to the person based on that assurance.
It is called choosing to love.
We are to decide or commit first and after that, the strong feelings will catch up with the choice we have made to love.
Love is an Action
The Spirit of God bears witness with the spirit of man. That means God speaks to you in your spirit.
It's on the inside you get the knowing. So, don't find it in your body. Function from inside out, not from outside in.
The man should follow this principle and when a faithful man comes to you, as a woman you should also follow this principle I'm making your decision.
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If you both have the witness in your hearts, go ahead and make plans to marry even if you don't have the strong feelings of love for each other at the start.
I Corinthians 13 tells us love is what we do. Love is an action. You should always remember this. Love isn't a feeling but it can produce feelings.
As you do the actions of love in 1 Corinthians 13 to each other, the feelings of love will rise up so strong on your inside and sweep both of you off your feet.
This is how to live as a child of God. We're not denying that feelings exist, we're saying the shouldn't rule your life.
The First Couple
Let's go back to Adam and Eve. Have you ever asked yourself why Adam married Eve?
Adam married Eve because she was a helper suitable for him. He didn't marry Eve because he fell in love with Eve.
He married Eve because she was the one God brought to him as a helper - to help him fulfil the task God gave him.
As a man, marry foe this exact same reason. You've got to be able to discern the lady God has brought into your space to be your helper in the fulfilment of the life assignment God has given you.
Godly men marry on the basis of whether or not the woman in question is suitable for the purpose and assignment God has given to them, not because the man fell in love with the woman.
As a matter of fact, a godly single man will not marry a woman he has strong feelings of love for, except he has an inner witness that this woman is also a helper who's suitable for him in the fulfilment of his life assignment from God.
Godly men don't follow the hotness of a lady's body. They choose a woman based on the virtue of her character and because an inner witness they get from God that she's suitable for the fulfilment of their assignment.
By the way, it should be noted that when godly men choose this way, they do get the very best women.
One of the reasons for the errors people make is because they wanna first fall in love first as a determinant factor before deciding to marry because they think it must be so.
Basically, today I want you to realize that it must not be so.
Have learnt something new today. "you don't have to develop excessive strong feelings before you can marry"-thats indeed true
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I'm glad you were blessed by this. Please read up the entire series so you have a robust understanding of all I'm sharing. Thanks for reading.
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