One of the most important coaching principles I have ever taught is " Demonstrate curiosity about what we are teaching." In our Conversational Hypnosis course, we teach people to demonstrate curiosity. This is a simple technique that can be applied anywhere. For example, you might ask a question about a previous topic and get an answer about an entirely different subject. If you asked about cats, you might get information about dogs, then about fishing and so on.
Why do we need to do this? Because curiosity is a powerful driver of change. When we are actively inquiring we are producing plenty of energy for change. An active curiosity allows us to step out of our comfort zone. When we enter into a safe space (no matter what the topic) we have the opportunity to become more open minded, more flexible in how we think. An active curiosity allows us to challenge assumptions and to test our assumptions (and even challenge our own authority).
So how can we apply this to coaching clients? In our classes we always encourage our clients to demonstrate curiosity. This includes using it with their own questions as well. Here's what I mean.
When we are in conversation with clients, we need to have some leeway to use our creativity within the safe space. When we have established a safe space, we can start asking questions that are slightly more personal, even if we are talking about the same topic. This allows us to use our creativity to shape our clients responses. For example: Let's say you want to know if your partner is having an affair. Instead of asking "Do you think your partner is having an affair" we could say "Do you think your partner is emotionally cheating on you?"
By saying the words "Do you think your partner is emotionally cheating on you?" we are actually taking the conversation into a space where there might be some curiosity (even if maybe only a little). The question does not say "Do you think your partner is emotionally cheating on you" but instead "Do you think your partner is emotionally cheating on you?" This allows us to move the conversation into the realm of curiosity vs. neutrality. We can then use this space to foster an honest discussion.
At first glance, asking questions that evoke curiosity may appear to be a risky move. However, if we look closely, it is not really a move but rather a natural outgrowth of the fact that we know human beings are curious. Consider this: when we are driving down the road or walking through the mall, do we ever stop to question ourselves about the places we are walking or driving past? Of course not! So it stands to reason that the same holds true for coaching clients and asking questions.
Indeed, you can even take the "curiosity killed the cat" principle to new levels of effectiveness. Consider asking yourself (and practicing the technique when you have the opportunity) whether there is a possibility that you might have made a mistake in your initial assessment of a client's needs and motives. This is an easy strategy to implement when the prospect for coaching is someone who is difficult to win over. For example, if you are a person who has a difficult time opening up to others, you might consider observing the behavior of your prospect for a few days or even a few weeks to see if you have aligned your assumptions with the truth. If the answer is no, then it is safe to return to the question of why curiosity killed the cat.
Coaching folks on the other hand may benefit from asking questions that foster curiosity as they navigate the often challenging terrain of their professional lives. Asking questions that demonstrate curiosity can help you create a space that allows you to grow professionally and personally. It can also help you make people feel better about themselves because you are so interested in their professional growth. In essence, coaching can be a profession that combines curiosity with practical application, and I know that is something that a lot of people are interested in!
