How to keep it together when you are losing it
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You are strong.
You have been working hard, trying to make something of yourself, and fighting battles no one knows about.
Even if it doesn’t look like it, sooner or later, it will pay off. I’m not just saying it to make you feel good about yourself. Trust me. I’m a lousy motivator.
It’s something I have seen playing out before me — countless times. People who keep trying always find a way.
What about those who work on the wrong things, at the wrong time, with the wrong people? Even they learn from their mistakes and turn it all around.
Here’s the only way how you can truly lose. By giving up, despite being on the right track.
Most people who quit on something halfway through don’t do it because they are weak. (After all, every one of us has our own sets of unfair advantages.) No. They do it because they are overwhelmed.
And it’s okay to be stressed. It’s a lot to take in. However, it’s not okay to throw in the towel — not just because you feel bummed out.
If you want to win, you have to wait out these days of despair. Is it going to be easy? No. But it will be worth it.
Here are some books that helped me survive obstacles far bigger than me. Not only that, but they have also taught me to come out the other end as a tougher beast.
They can do the same for you. And I believe you can do it too.
Courage to be Disliked
by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi
Goodreads Score: 4.1/5
The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”
― Ichiro Kishimi, The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
When being resentful about life is the trend, how to lead a happier life? Well. You can grow old to become a zen philosopher living on the outskirts of a city.
Or you can stay young (for the time being) and listen to him instead.
Sorry for getting a bit cryptic there. Allow me to explain. The authors Koga & Kashimi structured this book as a dialogue between a dissatisfied young man and a philosopher.
With chapters like ‘Trauma doesn’t exist,’ this book might sound pushy. Yes, even I would admit they went a bit clickbaity with it.
Yet, if you manage to take the lessons with nuance, this book will make you overall happier. Here’s how.
The contents of this book come from the works of Alfred Adler, one of the three pillars of 19th-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung.
According to Freudian psychology, you are a product of your experiences and social conditioning. In other words, our past determines our present and the future.
That’s where Adler begs to disagree.
According to his theories, we don’t necessarily have to be controlled by our past. Instead, we are always free to choose our emotions and actions in the present.
So when he says things like ‘trauma doesn’t exist,’ he means your past experiences don’t hold as much power over your present goals as you like to think.
You are indeed free to walk away from the grasp of your past anytime you want. All you need to do is to take a leap of faith (faith in yourself).
"Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.”
The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness
by Eric Jorgenson
Goodreads Score: 4.55/5
“I have lowered my identity. I have lowered the chattering of my mind. I don’t care about things that don’t really matter. I don’t get involved in politics. I don’t hang around unhappy people. I really value my time on this earth. I read philosophy. I meditate. — Naval Ravikant”
― Eric Jorgenson, The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness
Trust me or not, you don’t have to be poor to be happy. You can be rich and satisfied with your life at the same time. Want to know how?
This book on Naval Ravikant will be just what you need.
Written by Eric Jorgenson and forwarded by Tim Ferris, this book is so well structured that you don’t even need to read the whole thing serially. You can jump right into the chapter you want to explore.
For example, let’s discuss the chapter ‘Saving Yourself’ in a nutshell.
How do you feel about yourself (and your life) in general? Not very well, I suspect. Well, you can indeed do something about it.
No, you can’t possibly control outside events (regardless of what LOA gurus tell you). But you can control how you treat yourself. As Ravikant sees it:
“My number one priority in life, above my happiness, above my family, above my work, is my own health. It starts with my physical health. Second, it’s my mental health.”
1)A simple change in diet
2)Consistency in sleep routine
3)Work on your skills
4)And care for your mental health can go a long way.
Unfortunately, you can’t outsource these things to someone else. You have to do them by yourself.