Rewriting Fate

How it all began....

Casually I rolled my sleeves and tried to pretend everything was alright, I knew it would take a lot more than doing that for people to be convinced that I wasn't gonna fall of the stage anytime soon. I tried to encourage myself in my head whilst still maintaining my standing balance. It was time to face my fears ...I had practised these exact lines for more than two weeks and I knew I was perfect at reciting them already ...if I just had a little more courage... "Uhmm, Miss Parker, is everything okay?", I heard and immediately journeyed back to reality ..it was one of the judges staring at me like I was from Pluto...."it's all your fault!" A tiny voice in my head had already began to judge,I shoved off the subconscious feeling, smiled and began saying my lines just way the I practiced it or at least I thought I did, until the same judge cut me off again "that's enough" she began "you can go now, we'll get back to you" she finished with a broad smile on her face. Oh no .. No please. No, I tried to utter those words but they never seemed to sound ...I started to walk out but being the clumsy person that I am,I fell. Yup in front of the cute guy that had been staring at me (oh yes I noticed) and all the judges with the few audience/family and friends supporters club. Oh no. I had gotten an "I'll get back to you" comment and as if that wasn't enough I just had to embarrass myself much more by falling. I tried to pick up what was left of my dignity, got up and left.
I needed to get into this school, its all I've ever dreamt of, this was my third time auditioning for a slot and I felt really confident that it would be different this time but it just dawned on me that some things just don't change.
I remembered the first time I auditioned, that was in _2014 immediately after high school. I didn't bother myself filling college applications because I knew what I wanted. I wanted Juilliard. Yup, its always been Juilliard from d beginning probably because my mum went there. I don't know. But I know I wanted to get into Juilliard and that was why I refused to apply to any other school. So the first time, fresh out of high school I filled an application and was called to audition...then I thought I wanted to do music😂...so I played one of the few instruments I knew how to play, the violin. And oh boy, did it turn out awful. I remember I had to run out of the stage to puke as I had eaten a mixture of different foreign meals which I can't even remember now. Yup, I got a free meal ticket the morning before my audition and I decided to eat to my fullest, sue me! The only thing I regret is not going back to finish the audition, as after the puking incident I didn't bother going back to audition, I just went home. Of course they never called me back, well not like I expected them to, I was aware I had acted really weird during d audition. The next year I applied again and was called . .this time I decided to sing! And not just sing anything. I did opera!😁😂 woah....I didn't just do any opera, I sang or should I say tried to sing maria callas' habanera and trust me all would have gone as planned, if I had just stuck to the key I practiced with. I mean it was going well, I knew it was because the judges were smiling and the audience were clapping...well until I decided to increase my glory by going to a higher pitch. Well no need to continue, summary is it ended in a "sweet tragedy" according to one of the judges. It was terrible, I couldn't find my voice again it was like someone, somewhere had decided to play a not so funny prank on me. To cut the long story short, this year I decided that music was not my calling so I switched to performing arts. I could act so I thought why not and you saw how that ended. I can only hope for the best at this point, I do not totally blame the judges, as it was partially my fault.....okay maybe all my fault. Whatever.
"Aubrey!!!!" I turned to the direction of the person calling me, even though I was fully aware of who it was. Dad has always been my number one fan. Ever since mum died he took it up to be by my side a hundred and one percent of the time...well he's a really great dad, he has been putting up with my really confused actions. "How did it go?" Immediately those words left his mouth I began to feel sorry, the poor man came for all my auditions plus he supported me in every thing I did but I kept disappointing him. At this point, I felt I couldn't do anything, it was like everything I tried to do I ended up not succeeding in a big way.
I faked a smile and returned his hug as his arms were already spread out for me to fit into his embrace. "It went well, dad thanks for coming". I mean what else could I say, "oh hey dad, you have a really clumsy daughter that just ruined her audition for the third time by acting like an alien and falling off the stage!" I closed my eyes for a second then suddenly felt better after reviewing his warm hug. We left the venue together, me feeling really loved and sad at the same time and dad probably feeling like it would all work out this time. Well, I hope!.