My year. My year has been kind-of defining. I started my year believing it was the beginning of some incredible new possibilities. Instead, it’s been the end of so many things, things I’ve held dear. It’s been lonely. It’s been sad. It’s been disappointing. It’s been fraught with failure and betrayal and dead ends. This of all years, had to be like this: Closing doors and things that will never be heard.
I got to know more about myself so much that this year I’ve felt like I don’t even know who I am. Those stretch marks I guess became trenches. But I remain grateful to everything. this universe. It’s drawn me closer to to the future me. To know what is maturity, responsibility and a pillar. Who trust and who to let go. I’ve witnessed miracles and before the year ends, I believe I’m gonna be in for the best miracles and and my future me will wipe away all my tears with joy and happiness
This year too many things ended rashly. But this year taught me a lot of things that i should be thankful of. Like patience, acceptance and letting go of things that we can’t control and most importantly be positive that maybe one day things will fall according to your plan and you`ll be happy. Those ends were not surprise endings but it has restored my faith in ‘life never stops’ and ‘things are never as bad as they seem. My year made me a lot stronger.. things has been tough and will be tough.. gotta stand firm.. I know time will always make things a lil lighter
Only thing which hurts me so much, that is I planned so much at the beginning of this year and achieved nothing but still It’s okay to have unproductive days. Don’t be hard on yourself for them. I know we live in a world that focuses a lot on doing, but just being and relaxing is equally important.
So Now What
Don’t be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself trying not to lose someone else. Also The problem is, I can’t seem to forget how people treated me badly. I tell myself to just forgive and forget but it’s hard. But I’m trying, every freakin day. And I hope one day, I’ll be able to let these grudges go; for my peace of mind.
I love it when I notice myself changing for the better. When I look back at my past selves and my current self I think ‘Wow, I’m really outdoing myself. It really is. And even though it took a lot of hurt for us to be the person we are today, it does not matter. Because it helped. In the end, you should love yourself completely though it really is quite hard to do. Let yourself fall, and pick yourself up again. Make mistakes, grow, learn and remember that life goes on.’ and it amazes me even more when I look back at who I am now in months/years/decades time and will think the same thing. Self healing and transformation truly is beautiful.
The end of a promise. The end of solace. The end of hope. The end of a dream.
So I go forward. I’m going to start completely blank, I guess. I’ve learned what I can’t live with anymore, and I’ve learned where I’m not wanted. Who knows about tomorrow? I don’t. Possibility? Everything is a question now. Even me.
And i’m still looking forward to next year. I hope I could answer all my other questions.
– Rude Dude Rahul