College freshman Khloe Bieber is suing senior Brittany Jenner, a woman born with three breasts and a Mississippi college for unfair social competitiveness.

  In a phone interview this morning Student Casie Perilli claims that Kelly Bieber has had a grossly unfair sexual advantage over Casie and other college females because of a condition she was born with called trifecta gift syndrome, having three 36c breasts. This semester Casie shares two classes and one lab with Kelly and says she can’t get a boy to even look at her because she only has two breasts. Casie states “I’ve even stopped wearing bras to class but this three breast wielding bitch gets all the boys in the yard”. Casie also claims she has been unable to obtain a boyfriend as a result of this unfair competition and is suing for 2.4 million dollars and the cost of breast surgery to add a third breast.  

 When asked about the lawsuit, college spokesperson Brice Aroni stated the all male board members of the college will not settle the cash part of the suit but might be interested in funding Khloe’s third breast surgery in exchange for an exclusive private photo shoot.                      -Satire