It's the final countdown of 2017. Many of us are getting ready to celebrate in various ways. But around this time, right before the time runs out on the year, many of us fall into a strange sort of funk as we get older.
It's a sort of existential panic that revolves around a single question: "What the hell have I done with my time this year?"
In some respects, even if you made good use of the time (and there's a pretty good argument that it's unlikely you didn't - at least for the majority of people) you are not immune to this feeling. In fact, you might be even more susceptible to it.
In a lot of areas of life, and in life in general, there's a strange sort of feeling that time is running out. It starts to nag at the edges of your mind in your twenties and, if you don't address the issue with constant self-reflection and a strong inclination toward self-improvement, it starts to pick up momentum after 30.
But even me, with my stacks of journals filled with thoughts and ideas and my shelves overflowing with philosophy, fiction, and self-development, can find myself suddenly struck with a bolt of this feeling that I really am just doing everything wrong.
Luckily, I know that the feeling will pass. These are opportunities to refocus on the life and the world that we are dedicated to creating. So I've begun to think of these feelings, when they crop up, as little warning signals that I'm wandering out of my lane and off-track and need to re-center on my vision and priorities.
Actually, I've made a lot of progress this year. Whether it's progress by anyone else's standard is irrelevant. I'm happy with it and no one has the right to tell me not to be. Or rather, maybe they do but I've got the right to fully and completely ignore them.
This next year is going to see even more steps forward in my personal space, and in the world in general. I really want those gains to spill over into the lives of my family, friends, and loved ones. But I suppose that's up to them.
Me?
Well, I'll be just fine. That awful feeling is already subsiding after writing this, and I'm sure that by the time the clock strikes midnight my eyes will be firmly, if not soberly, on the future.
Friday, December 29th, 2017
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"I've made a lot of progress this year. Whether it's progress by anyone else's standard is irrelevant."
I think this is a key idea. When I feel like I am lagging behind, or that I am wasting my time, that is usually "true" through the lens of what society values. By my own personal definitions of success and happiness, I am doing quite well. I just have to constantly remind myself that my voice is more important than the voice of 1000 strangers, especially when it comes to my personal decisions.
I too am not immune from the feelings of existential dread upon the year's end, but I think that you and I have similar thoughts on that matter.
Thanks for writing this.
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Thanks for reading it!
I figured I was hardly the only person to be feeling this way, but it's still good to hear someone tell me directly. Thank you for that.
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Absolutely. Nothing makes those feelings worse than feeling isolated with them. You can be motivated, working hard, trying to be self-aware, improving the life's of others around you, and still wonder if it's enough.
Keep writing! I definitely connected with you on this one.
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Do you read much Satre or Camus Jen ? yes I agee 2018 Steemit!
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I've read both. Probably more of a Satre man at the end of the day. His view of existential angst resonated with me for a long time when I was younger - before it began to combine with my own ideas and morph into something a bit more positive.
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I like Ludwig von Mises or means and ends and Dawkins on Selfish gene plus the Satre on the meaningless universe Jenkin
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I really appreciate that you posted about this, because I can certainly relate to this feeling, particularly at this time of year. Sometimes, I look back at the closing year and think that maybe I didn't do anything differently after all, and that my life was basically the same at the end of the year as it had been at the beginning.
But posts like this remind me that that is not the case. It never is, for any of us who put forth effort in constantly progressing and moving forward.
I also appreciated you saying this:
Luckily, I know that the feeling will pass. These are opportunities to refocus on the life and the world that we are dedicated to creating.
That stood out to me. These times are opportunities to refocus, and I have to remind myself that making sure I take that opportunity is the silver lining in the otherwise cloudy panic.
Thanks for the insight, Justin. ^^ and Happy New Year!
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