Moving to hive

berniesanders (77) in nextgendistribution • 5 years ago (edited)

Fuck you Justin, we're moving to Hive.

Fuck Justin Sun

nextgendistribution

5 years ago by berniesanders (77)

$3.25

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tsnaks (63) · 5 years ago

What do you give an armless child for Christmas?

Nothing, he wouldn’t be able to open it anyways.

Dark humour at it's finest.
Ok not finest, it was a shit joke

ssjsasha (67) · 5 years ago

A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out and was granted 1 wish

“I wish I had a matte black yacht, a matte black private jet, a fleet of matte black cars, bikes, speedboats, seadoos etc” the man said.

The genie replied “that is beyond my power, choose another wish”

So the man said

“Ok so I wish for the steemit team to make steem great again”

And the genie replied.

“You said matte black everything right?”

acolucky (64) · 5 years ago

What does an Astrologer and a proctologist have in common?

An interest in Uranus.

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

hope not frog anus

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lordneroo (72) · 5 years ago

People are not here for the rewards. xD

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

you are the winner ! lmfao :)

calisthenicsdrop (64) · 5 years ago

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.But she figured out I was only after my money!
(Rofl)
Namaste

Posted using Partiko iOS

okean123 (65) · 5 years ago

Steemit Inc

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

that why they call it "STINC"

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fingolfin (61) · 5 years ago

Q. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

A. Same time next month?

cryptogee (75) · 5 years ago

Lol :-)

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geekgirl (72) · 5 years ago

enforcer48 (68) · 5 years ago

Good content on Steem.

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

Markymark always comments on these posts and he is with SFR so it looks like it's ok , I don't think you will get flagged

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gikitiki (60) · 5 years ago

An engineer dies

When he gets to the Pearly gates, he’s told he’s going to hell.

As a typical engineer, he politely asks to have God notified that there’s been a mistake.

A couple months go by before God gets to the request to investigate. So he calls down to the Devil to investigate.

God: I hear you received an engineer down there.
Devil : Yup, it’s been great. After many millenia, the HVAC is finally working, the leak in the hot tub has been fixed ...
God: Well, it turns out there was a mistake. Please send him to heaven
Devil: Are you kidding!?!? There’s no way I’m going to let him go. Pretty soon, Hell’s going to become a paradise!!!

God: Listen, If you don’t send him hear, I’ll have to take you to court.

Devil: {Non-Stop Laughter}

God : I am serious, this is not a joke.

Devil: Tell me, Where are you going to find a lawyer?

cryptogee (75) · 5 years ago

That was a lot funnier it was building up to be! Very good! :-)

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droida (59) · 5 years ago

Why do the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

for sum reason I laugh at this one

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droida (59) · 5 years ago

You had a chicken that has got to the other side? ;)

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epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

I only have tadpoles

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steemvader (46) · 5 years ago

I am your Father...

steemsidious (49) · 5 years ago

Can he be turned to the dark side?

steemvader (46) · 5 years ago

If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.

pastrane (50) · 5 years ago

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!". The other cow replies "Good thing I'm a helicopter".

cryptogee (75) · 5 years ago

Rofl!!

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mindtrap (74) · 5 years ago

Trump

tonytrillions (66) · 5 years ago

Beginning of the decade:

images (7).png
Image source

End of the decade:

images (8).png
Image source

lalupita (59) · 5 years ago

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

pandaparker (56) · 5 years ago

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprise.

Posted using Partiko Android

wendyth16 (67) · 5 years ago

You are like superman

Posted using Partiko Android

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

Did you hear the joke about the Steemit Trending Page?

That's actually the joke and punchline :)

evolved08gsr (57) · 5 years ago

There were 3 guys: a Drunk, a Rabbai and a Priest .. blah blah blah .. it was the Priest with the Candlestick in the Parlor! 😜

braaiboy (65) · 5 years ago

phgnomo (64) · 5 years ago

How to make a Blondie be entertained for hours?

Write "read the other side" on both sides of a paper...

(You never said it should be a good joke...)

galberto (70) · 5 years ago (edited)

A chicken with yellow yolk, same to whaleshares.io

dulce160 (64) · 5 years ago

You are obsessed with food!

I don't know what you mean croatically.

theabsolute (63) · 5 years ago

Why do rednecks like to make love to goats on the edge of a cliff? Because the goats push back...

simplegame (61) · 5 years ago

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up."

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

it cracked me up too

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daveks (77) · 5 years ago

Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
Because they peel.

toofasteddie (70) · 5 years ago

I will burn all my obtained rewards on this comment, or not

Posted using Partiko iOS

steeminator3000 (74) · 5 years ago

Ellie Powell

deirdyweirdy (61) · 5 years ago

Doctor speaking to nurse; Did you take that patient's temperature?
Nurse replies; Me sir, no sir, I'm as honest as the day is long sir.

addo.sports (63) · 5 years ago (edited)

Can you please hold my hand?"A mother asks her son: "Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?"

Son: "My name is Paul."

avare (65) · 5 years ago

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

bpn (56) · 5 years ago

ython (61) · 5 years ago

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

hitmeasap (71) · 5 years ago

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

epic-fail (59) · 5 years ago

a shark that poop a lot and makes greenhouses gases ha ha

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mac-o (49) · 5 years ago

This could easily be Sharknado 6

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lookplz (62) · 5 years ago

My life.

electrotechnic (63) · 5 years ago

Why is there a fence around a cemetery?

People are dying to get in.

bobby.madagascar (65) · 5 years ago

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more.

tlin (61) · 5 years ago

I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him go faster, if anything it made him more sluggish.

flemingfarm (68) · 5 years ago

Politics is the ultimate joke.

photo.lover (58) · 5 years ago

Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair?

Wife: Michael, I’m over here!

sizandyola (55) · 5 years ago

"2020 will be the year for STEEM"

elmetro (55) · 5 years ago

I love you ❤️

eirik (69) · 5 years ago

I was really trying to find a good one that could make you laugh, but didn't find any. They were all too bad.

mac-o (49) · 5 years ago

Year: 2029
Location: Maldives

Policeman: You are being arrested for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia content.
Thief: Wait! I can explain everything!

Standing ovation...

anthonyadavisii (70) · 5 years ago

Knock knock

luegenbaron (64) · 5 years ago

A joke?

Bernie

?

xD

awesome.dude (49) · 5 years ago

The biggest joke ever?
When you check trending page on threespeak and 43 second video without cam gets 40$ upvotes, but no one complain xD
https://3speak.online/watch?v=toufiq777/mrpzatlx

jozef230 (70) · 5 years ago

Another new Illness to watch o
Another new Illness to watch out for ...
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying homebecause she is not feeling well.
"So, what's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"And what the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I just can't see my ass coming into work today."

Posted using Partiko Android

serlanvet (63) · 5 years ago

What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

The mosquito can fly, but the fly can't mosquito!!!!

waphilip (63) · 5 years ago

Bernie Sanders just announced that the first 10 users to join his new community will receive 100% upvotes for life! Which would be great if he didn't set his bots to downvote you right after because your content blew!

itstime (60) · 5 years ago

Joke = Ned Scott

bosman (52) · 5 years ago

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
;)

joythewanderer (78) · 5 years ago (edited)

Ned and how he used his stake on Steem.

themarkymark (78) · 5 years ago

I went to the grocery store today and bought some milk. When I got to the checkout the bagger asked if I wanted my milk in the bag. I replied “no thanks, keep it in the carton”.

bearbear613 (67) · 5 years ago

itching and burning itching and burning

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eii (71) · 5 years ago

!BEER
for you

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cryptogee (75) · 5 years ago

Some really nice jokes on here! Well done everyone! Good idea Bern :-)

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beerlover (62) · 5 years ago

^{View or trade BEER.}

Hey @berniesanders, here is a little bit of BEER from @eii for you. Enjoy it!

Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking.

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moemanmoesly (67) · 5 years ago

What does Ketamine and your underwear have in common?

I want to sniff them both........

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assus (62) · 5 years ago

2 elephants meet a naked guy. After a little while 1 elephant says to the other:
“I don’t understand how he can feed himself with that thing!”

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josua1 (67) · 5 years ago (edited)

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