Cudgel

in not •  6 years ago 

I'm not quite so sure who I am
I thought I knew for sure
Is my life real or a sham?
All I know is I must endure

Starting over
Wasn't supposed to happen like this
But somehow I knew it had to
Stuck in suspended animation
I need a catalyst
I need to battle this

Lethargy
Is no excuse
To fall off the wagon
And become a recluse

But I have trust issues
And most would think that's easily solved
I don't trust myself
My world doesn't revolve

I need to just let it go and move on
I try to shock myself back into reality I just don't respond
I know nobody's perfect, but this was a conscious choice
It's an uphill battle there's a schism in my inner voice

I have so many goals
But are they real?
What have I done to achieve them?
Have I lost my zeal?
I'm unreal

Is this all just a simulation?
Will I face a judgment day?
What we need is emancipation
Sick of perpetuating dismay

I am not perfect
I'm alright I guess
Sometimes I feel great
Sometimes I'm distressed
This is not a statement
Made in jest

I wonder why we were put here
I truly believe I'm a different breed
Which is not always advantageous
Life has driven me to concede

I have no need
Yet I feed the beast
I've gone years
Without a proper release

That's why I blew a gasket
But I'm way past it
But I'm still stuck
So really what the fuck?

Limited luck
I must create
Is this destiny
Or fate?
Why must you berate
All that I try?
It seems like you want me to die

Neurotic?
Or psychotic?
My whole life is symbolic.
I'm glad it is not yet necrotic
The world's awake no one can stop it

Or can they?
Would you rather have liquor or Bengay?
As I said I'm not so sure what my life is
There must be a reason for this crisis

In conclusion I may just be rambling again
But it is superior to keeping it bottled in
They say that you need confidence
I'm not so certain we will win
Because I'm not even sure what world I'm living in

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