sensation down over my being. Rotating my body slowly, my mind, for a brief time remained free from being retained within the all-seeing eyes. But the fun stopped and all was suddenly dark again. And with that darkness came the abrupt sound of a doorway closing emanating from somewhere above.
Now at the windows edge, I stood fixated, harbored within the shadows and waiting out for any further indication of Frank’s mysterious movements. With his idle tree swing in view, my eyes, with time, ceased pacing across the outside yard line and relaxed down into an area of still nothingness.
Time within the void became unknown as my wondering mind sluggishly monitored out and over what my life had become. Breaking me from my bewilderment, Frank’s large shadowy frame suddenly emerged from the tall foliage next door. Re-coiling a step back, I could still observe his big frame gasping for air as he worked his way back towards the front of the house, disappearing again for the night.
“Find forgiveness in your heart as you yourself have played the villain”.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I raised myself out of bed while reciting the new message just passed on to me. Though the messaging was being delivered though with a crystal clear, warm female voice, the lucid dream patterns of the recent day’s had not returned as I had hoped. None the less, the immediate feel of the day felt light of any pressure considering the new revelation that had come to me over the previous days.
Moving throughout the house and cleaning up from the previous night’s mishap, I was soon enough headed out the door, when my mind began grappling for the days approach with Mr. T. I knew I had some talking to do with Tom in light of what went down during out last meeting, but I also knew I could bend him in letting me have my time with the man who held more knowledge of the mysteries of why I was here in the first place. It was as if Mr. T was now the prime link to uncovering my past.
Climbing behind the car’s steering wheel, I pushed the key into the ignition and gave it turn and I was instantly aware that whole electrical circuitry within the car was flat. Looking at my watch then up to Frank’s front deck, I had remembered him mentioning to me some time ago, to never hesitate when needing to borrow the Ford.
Stepping up the first flight of steps, my eyes instantly directed them selves to the front door that was slightly ajar. Stepping in close and pushing it open further, I cleared well into the entryway till I stood motionless staring down the void hallway.
“Frank, are you awake”?
For once it seemed as though the whole of the property was in a deep slumber. It felt odd. Not yet taking a step, I hesitated slightly as the energy in the air seemed to carry with it a growing of suspense. But I felt compelled somehow. Pressing through into almost total darkness, I moved cautiously with the aid from thin streams of light cutting in from between the blinds of a far kitchen window.
“Frank, are you awake”?
Reaching the far wall, I clamored for a light switch while forcing myself around the corner and into the kitchen. The two faint streaks of yellowed light fed the room just enough to notice the body collapsed and folded over itself on the floor. Restoring the light, I was alarmed to discover the tabletop spilled over with prescription drugs and Frank in his sleep attire, lifeless on the floor.
Dropping swiftly to his side, I rested two fingers lightly to his neck and checked his pulse to find that he was still alive. A pool of blood accompanied that of the small spot of vomit on the ground just beside him. Looking to his face, he had acquired a split to his fore head from the fall he had taken.
Standing and stepping out into the living area, I immediately dialed for the paramedics. While waiting on the voice at the other end, I worked my way around the room turning on lights and pulling curtains back to let the light of day into the room. Panic began to set in when checking his pulse again as I found it was weak and barely discernible. Just then, the medical unit picked up on the other end and I filled him in on all the necessary details. Upon hanging up the phone, I applied a wet towel to Frank’s chest and face area then checked his pulse again.
“Damn it Frank, hang in there”.
Cursing myself for not knowing what to do, I couldn’t believe that he was about to die on me. Getting to my knees, I began pray not really sure on where my intentions were being directed as it may have been the first time I really meant it.
Within fifteen minutes the ambulance was outside the house. Opening the door, I quickly led the two male paramedics to Frank’s unconscious body. Standing back I watched as the two went through their assessment to determine what state Frank was in.
“Frank we are here to help you and every thing is going to be O.K.”
Checking Frank’s heart rate and pulse, the paramedic then moved with his penlight to examine his patents pupil dilation. After initiating intravenous to Franks left arm he then cleaned and dressed his head wound while his partner relayed Franks vital signs on to the hospital. Once having the body stabilized, they then worked together to position him on the rolling gurney and began to move him through the hall way and down the steps.
“He is going to make it though he put himself through the ringer. You welcome to ride with us or follow us in”.
For the next two hours I remained in the waiting area mentally consumed with trying to come to grips with what appeared to be an attempt at an over dose. What part of what reality pushed him onto such an extreme move? All the strangeness combined and considered it was obvious that his internal personal battle was being waged. But again, what was the real true culprit to lead to this incident?
What was it of his past that still had him chained within the present time, resulting in all I was of witness too? The random outbursts, his night time antics, and his so called sleepwalking syndrome? All these aspects of Frank were symptoms of a hidden history, a story he preferred I remain ignorant to. But it was all there, in the open and yet concealed just out of reach and purposefully so.
Getting to my feet I extended a hand out to the doctor who began to fill me in on Frank’s condition. He informed that Frank and suffered from a mild stroke and he concluded that when the symptoms set in, Frank most likely tried to help the situation by taking his blood thinner prescription. He alluded to the fact that he was candidate for a stroke due to the complications involved in a leg surgery years ago. He said there might be need to perform another surgery in the area so as to eliminate any further clotting possibilities as it seemed over the years, a large amount of scare tissue had formed in the area. With that, I informed him I would be giving him ring tomorrow to find out when exactly Frank would be ready for a pick up.
The lunch rush was already passed which left Sharon and I to one of the better tables for looking out over the Tahoe mountain range. A large out of control forest fire to the northwest brought with it a particularly heavy haze and seemed to complement an already difficult day.
Sitting idle, I was inwardly thankful for some company, but at the same time in direct contradiction due to the sympathies Sharon was pouring my way. She was an overly baring motherly type who wanted nothing more than heal all wounds of the world and for this reason; I refrained from exposing to her, the latest setback dealing with Frank. As it was, she sat restless all the while with her hands fidgeting her keys looking for some way to ease into conversation surrounding details of the work place.
“Peter, Tom would have preferred to inform you on his own as it is the right protocol…but I just wanted to inform you that I have taken to oversee counseling Mr. Tucker again”.
With a slight laugh, I shook my head wondering how long the marathon of the undesirable was going to go on for. Under normal circumstances having a client taken from you would be sure sign that one was not performing up to his or her standards. While we both knew this was not the case, I still did not want to accept it.
“Nothing against you Sharon, but I am going to have a word with Tom…”
“Peter, it was Mr. Tucker that asked for the change back. Tom was only trying to make things easier for all especially considering what has gone on between the two of you as of late. I mean can you blame him Peter? I have personally never witnessed a councilor patient relationship of that nature before”.
Feeling vilified, fragile, and offended, I leaned in quickly as my patients with Sharon deteriorated.
“Look, you don’t know what I am dealing with here. He opened up to me and not only that…there is something more there that he wanted to tell me. I can’t explain it all to you now but this is very personal to me”.
Gently reaching over and lightly embracing my arm, Sharon gazed into my eyes with a look of stern compassion.
“Peter, just between you and I, Tom is looking for your replacement. I am sorry I shouldn’t be the one telling you but…I wanted to make sure…I guess I felt that as soon as you where told the news, I might not see you again or something”.
Her words didn’t surprise me. I had been feeling and looking not myself at all since the day I arrived, and with what did go down at work; such actions on my part would naturally lead to such a conclusion at any clinic across the nation.
Subdued and now sitting to myself, I called Tom at the clinic and I let him know I wasn’t going to be showing up for rest of the day. In truth it had crossed my mind to pack up and head back to Colorado, but then the words from Grace kept coming into my head, the ones about how I was going to find what I was looking for. My time here was not done.
Stepping indoors, I immediately began to close all the drapery in the house so as to conceal all the possible light leaks from the outside. Testing the interior lighting, it was quickly apparent that the electricity was out. Finding myself to the kitchen, I was beyond fatigued and that heavy layer of depression moved out of somewhere in background and took a firm hold on my whole out look.
Reaching into the cabinet I grabbed at the last of the remaining anti-depressants and feverishly began taking them down. If there was a place within me that held my emotional rock bottom, I was sure I was getting close. Falling to the bed I disappeared into blackness in partial hopes of never waking up again.
Startled, I sat up in the darkness and was alerted to a pounding on the front door. Pressing through the dark hallway, I called out asking for conformation in hopes someone would be there and that’s when Sharon’s muffled voice filled the air. Swinging the door open, I immediately turned away and went to the kitchen, grabbed a small flashlight and handed it to Sharon before returning to the spare bedroom.
“Peter, I have been trying to call you for an hour and have been standing out side for almost that as well. I couldn’t even get Franks attention for God sake”.
Following quickly in my footsteps while turning on the flashlight, the narrow beam illuminated down the hallway to the spare bedroom where she immediately went for the light switch.
“It’s no use; it will come when it wants to. It’s a feature that comes with the house”.
Stepping in slowly and having a seat next to me on the bed, Sharon led the light up to the opposite wall and instantly took note of the weight and draw of eyes of The Reminder. I slumped back to the bed feeling dizzy and out of conformity with all surroundings. The drugs where playing there part and had me feeling ready for disappearing again in to deep void of black sleep. Abruptly, the kitchen phone came to life. Remaining in mental and physical paralysis, the only response to life coming from my body was that of per-fuse dripping beads of sweat trailing from my brow.
“Are you going to get that Peter”?
“No, no one is really there. Go see for your self”.
Removing herself off the bed, she made her way out of the room where than her voice called out again and again looking for a reply that would never come. Hanging up the phone, she remained to the outside of the room for a time while I was again staring to the eyes almost begging for answers.
“Peter, I am leaving, I just wanted to check up on you and…”
“Am I scaring you Sharon, is this house scaring you? Can we talk"?
It was then that the sensation of detachment occurred, having me was now high above the room and watching as Sharon made her way back down the hall to the bedroom door at which time, within an instant, my perspective fell back into my body below. Casting the yellowed beam momentarily across my face, she then moved close to comfort.
“Of coarse we can talk, that is way I came over here”.
Settling on the bed next to me, Sharon sat idle as I awkwardly reached out for The Reminder. Lowering its presence slowly down to the floor and resting the eyes at an arm length away, I redirected the light within Sharon’s hand and cast its weak beam against one of the all encompassing eyes. Instantly, I began to loose myself as the free falling into the nurturing large black hole had begun.
“Sharon, please don’t leave now. This is where all the night mares begin and end”.
Kneeling down beside me Sharon was just now coming into the understanding of where this was all about to head. I was now imprisoned within the gaze and began the slippery helpless decent into the jaws of trauma that always awaited me there.
“Control the breathing Peter and tell me what you are feeling”.
“I am feeling… sad and fear… for her…and its starting again”.
Like a drowning animal conceding to the current line spinning quickly towards oblivion, I was now the helpless, freely floating towards the horror of the fall. Just slipping over the edge, I reached out for a moment longer, staving off the decent for the need to see and feel more of what was hiding within the murk around me.
“Keep your circular breathing active Peter, nice and smooth. Let it tell you what it wants you to know. Can you tell me what it is saying Peter”?
For a brief time longer, I remained in the warm embrace of the eyes, as if being rocked gently within the safety of a mothers caring embrace. Vague frames of blurred figures seemed to roll and fumble within and around themselves, moving slowly then suddenly more erratic.
“That’s it Peter, guide your emotions but move further now and tell me what you see”.
Then, with a total loss of control, I fell from the edge and into the free fall where partially visible images in question began to undulate and contort within severe motions of violence.
“Here…here it comes”.
“Let it happen Peter, tell me what you see”.
Pulling my hands to my face, I began to gasp at the quickening deformity causing my chest to heave and gasp for more oxygen.
“Breath Peter, nice and slow and tell me what you see Peter”.
“It red and its shaking so violently, it does not want to stop, it does not want to let go. Stop, please stop it, it hurts me…us…she can’t…”
“Peter, keep talking, tell me what she needs”.
“Help, she needs help from them, I can’t reach her…nooo”!
A subtle and gradual resurfacing out of the dark and towards the faint light gave way to the emergence of Sharon’s face and her nurturing presence.
“Peter it’s late and I have to be going, let’s get together tomorrow and we can discuss o.k.”?
With a slight, soft and enduring kiss to the fore head, she quietly slipped from the room and left me lying alone, where I remained for time, visually transfixed and staring into yellow glowing bulb above. Rolling over sideways, I set my gaze on to the longing eyes trapped within the canvas; I had passed again beyond her hidden lure and entered into the core cage where the deepest scar remained.
Although painful, I was now closer than ever before to the exposure of a scene or incident previously unrecognized within myself. But the fresh visions vanished when the yellow turned to black as the bulb flickered once and then left the room void of light. Following close behind, I closed my eyes and was soon adrift and ready to head elsewhere for the night.
The corridor was much longer than I had remembered it. It also felt cold as a particularly strong draft of wintry chill blew from up on the other end of the hall. It must have been in the after hours because all seemed void of life and light, that is except one room way off in the distance. Straining for any forward momentum, I was puzzled as each step proved heavy and laborious. The echoes of my heavy breath pushed off the low lit walls and began to fall out of rhythm and take on a life of its own, as if being that of a separate entity. Within the next instant, that separate entity morphed into indiscernible voices that bellowed loudly of pandemonium, reverberating wildly off the high ceiling that grossly dripped with a molasses like perspiration.
Peering ahead through the warped shroud of misty air, I wrestled in brief frustration as the illumination I was aiming for continued to remain at a distance and out of range no matter my efforts. The slamming of doors elsewhere behind me had me leering once over my shoulder only to witness with in the darkest of black, three twisting bodies struggling at each other, fighting for a prized possession. Working harder still, the resistance keeping me from my goal suddenly lessened as I found myself charging headlong into the light.
Reaching the glow emanating through the window, a moment of evaporation continued to clear a viewing portal with which I could now peer into the brightly lit space. For a brief moment, I held the perspective that exposed a hospital room where Frank, who remained subdued but very much awake, stared straight at me with a deadened gaze. Sharing the space next to him was Annie. Also awake and visibly coherent to my presence, she, while wearing the warmest of smiles, sat with one hand