The ability to listen carefully is very useful in every area of our lives. If you want to sell something, you need first to understand the needs of your client, what means that you have to listen carefully. If you want to stave off a dispute, you have to focus on what someone else has to say, and then try to understand his point. If you want to meet someone else’s point of view, you have to let him speak but till the end!
Skillful listening, is different from the ordinary listening. Skillful listening is listening with understanding. Contrary to appearances, this is a very difficult art. How often do you pretend to listen to your partner, but you don’t do? You are physically next to him, but your thoughts are far away. Only the audit question exposes your inattention.
You are not an isolated case. There is many people with that problem. Many of us just can’t listen. In school they teach us many useless things, but they forget about skills, which apply in every area of our life, from private, to professional. So let’s realize it and work on your attention!
If you are certain that you can listen carefully, take the following test. A negative answer to most of these questions means that you’re right (congratulations!). If the answers are positive, it means you have to work a lot on your listening skills.
- You ignore your speaker, because you assume in advance, that he’s not right.
- You think you can predict what speaker is going to say.
- You are not focused on conversation. Your thoughts revolve around something else.
- You are convinced you know everything.
- You don’t respect your speaker, you don’t respect what he has to say.
- You are easy to be distracted.
- You are bored. You don’t ask questions, don’t participate actively in the conversation.
- You always have your own opinion. You don’t even try to listen to someone else, because you are sure that nothing is going to convince you.
- You make decisions based on self-reflections.
- You have no eye-contact with a speaker.
- You interfere in someone else’s statement, not allowing him to complete conclusions.
- You are biased to the speaker or topic of discussion.
- You are not willing to give some respond.
And how did it go? For those who have received a more positive response, I recommend to continue reading. You’ll learn what to do to be a better listener.
“Listen to understand before you start to listen, to answer”. – J. Gitomer
In the above quotation is the whole crux of careful listening. Very often in conversation with another person you enter the package, which includes:
• your prejudice
• your opinions
• your inclusions
Often you do not let the speaker to finish the speech, interfering in the center of his sentence. You’re playing a clairvoyant who guesses in advance, what some people say. You are commenting, scattering his interlocutor and preventing him from completing the speech. Inclusions and comments from your side may have a devastating impact on what the speaker could actually tell you.
What should you do to properly listen to the other person? First, you shall want to understand what he wants to tell you. No matter if you like him and whether his statement bores you, the important thing is what you can learn from it. Let him deliver what he has to say, without interruption.
If you have any questions about what he said, write them down on a piece of paper and ask after his statement is completed. Don’t forget that active listening always includes interpretation. Show him also that you are interested in what he says, nodding from time to time, or giving him any other signals that you listen carefully. For many people this is a huge motivation that may affect the quality of their speeches. Always keep eye contact! If you do not understand, ask questions. Studies show that a person who seems to have the answer to every question, usually does not listen.
Abandon all prejudices! Listen to the caller focusing on what he says and not on what is your opinion on the subject. Try not to judge right away. Learn as much as possible. At the end ask a few questions checking to make sure you understood everything.
Talkativeness not always pay off. Know that ” most say those who have nothing to say.”