The only thing we have..

When the day's over.
I remember where we stopped that day. I remember that, but I can't describe it with the accuracy it deserves. We had to cycle 50km. Around 7:00 p. m., or perhaps 8:00 p. m., while we were watching for possible places to pitch the tent, we saw a path that seemed to lead to a harbour. We drove several minutes before reaching the end. At the tip, trees bordered the ocean. After setting up the tent in the middle of them, Thomas went for a walk. I was alone watching the sun set on the water. The silence was so present that I only noticed him. I remember thinking I'll never forget.

There, during those days travelling on a bike, the present took up all the space and the future was only the next pedal stroke. I promised myself I'd never forget that. I promised myself I would never forget that the present moment is the only thing we have.

I would have thought that awareness would frighten me. I am so sensitive to people with whom I befriend or love. I am so sensitive to the passing of time, to the relationships that anchor me in a life that belongs to me. I embrace all the passages of my life with a zeal and a singular wholeness. I remember details of the years later and remember them with that indelible attachment. Yet, many times in recent years, on journeys without an end date, the impermanence, freedom and strength of the present have forced me to look at life as it is: a succession of moments. Yes, I promised myself I would never forget that the present moment is the only thing we have.

And this consciousness reassures me.

Of course, there was resistance during this cycling trip. My mind sometimes came up against the force of certainties, the fear of loneliness, the insistent desire to control what was happening to me. The brutality of a daily life subjected to the trials of time and the constraints of the environment has shaken me up. Resist or let go, my mind finally gave up. When a few weeks later, I left Thomas, I understood. I had never separated my path so easily from someone who brought so much to my life. I accepted the end of our experience with such a serenity and gratitude that I still think I discovered the meaning of these words the day I flew back to France. Yet so unusual, so original, so enriching, I have never looked back on this period and felt its lack. Gratitude floods all those moments that have changed my perception of life.

I remember very well where we stopped that day. And some days like today, in the middle of a meeting, listening to futile discussions, sitting in the subway, intellectualizing the time spent dissecting unimportant subjects, I wonder why this consciousness leaves us so easily.

Daily life so easily crushes our freedom to be simply there, an observer of a world that does not present as many threats as those to which everyone seems to react. The fear of losing, the desire for recognition, the importance of being right, the acceptance of jobs that don't really please, the frustration of contentment, all these things I see so often when looking around.

On days like today, I would like everyone to give themselves the chance to let life take over, nature regain its rights, to feel gratitude and rise to what really matters. That each one finds his own resources not to fall into the recesses of the ego which whispers sometimes that letting go is a marketing tendency or a Buddhist delusion.

Because I remember that the present moment is the only thing we have.

We don't have the job of our life, the partner of our life, the chance of our life. We have today.

We don't have to be afraid of the passing of time, we don't have to worry about being right, we don't need more or be satisfied with less.