At the end

At the end.

Painted into a corner…or backed into a corner…or, trapped like a rat…no chance of escape.

What does this really mean? As humans we are subject to the happenings of modern life, that is what our human society have created, Internet, computers, cell phones (mobiles), cars and further what we have always been subjected to, that is to say, what others do to us and what we do to them, and further natural events and unintended accidents and events in and out of our control or sphere of responsibility. Yet, others would include acts of god, either directly or indirectly.

If we take the above into account we as individuals and communities at large are quite vulnerable. But, what happens when we reach the end of our rope? (All these metaphors are perhaps an indication of how prevalent this human condition, this situation, can be.) The answer is suicide. To end your life, to end unbearable misery and the misery you might be causing others.

So, why do suicides not occur more regularly? Suicide, of course, does occur and with a world population of more than 7billion…probably a lot. But what the question is if the answer to unbearable circumstances is suicide, why does it not occur more? An immediate objection that might be raised is that such unbearable, no way out circumstances, do not occur that much and that the people who decide on suicide as a way out are also less because of it. HOWEVER more people than we think are utterly miserable and find them in situations with no way out, so, why not more suicides?

The reasons might be as follows:

1. *The problem was misdiagnosed and there was an answer, by the means which life intervenes as described above (you, your family/friends/others, nature or chance) providing an answer and in time the problem is solved. This can also be a trap – fooling the victim, as it were, that in time a solution might come and never does, eventually moving to reason 2,
2. Enough time pass and eventually death comes through old age,
3. Family, friends, counselors and the like often try to explain the unexplainable, the unreasonable and things to which there are no explanations. They often get angry for not being able to jump the same hurdles you are facing, but they do not stop and admit that which can apparently not be admitted: life sometimes provide obstacles that cannot be overcome,
4. Religion plays a big role to get the message across, also through the religion’s adherents (which often includes family), that suicide is a sin or that god will provide a way out,
5. Courage. To end one’s life takes an incredible amount of courage, I don’t care what anyone says (or, at least ignorance about the magnitude of the action). Religion (esp. Christianity) often depicts suicide as a cowardly act, but throughout history suicide has been viewed as both a courageous and honorable act and often necessary (and very popular and the “in thing” during the late 18th and early 19th centuries Romance period),
6. Uncertainty about life hereafter: A lot of suicides are prevented by people not sure about heaven and hell and where they are going to end up, or if they are non-believers worried about the idea/concept of eternal oblivion. Many people at wit’s end are also not sure about those who remain behind, about their pain, or who will take care of them (how will they continue) unless the suicide is to help those who are left behind to be unburdened by the one committing the act.

Ah, life. It can be so sweet, but as time moves on we struggle to see the beauty in it. Our mind-eye gets clouded through seeing it all before, through pain of people hurting or disappointing us, or through us hurting others, failed dreams; the struggle of every day modern life – we don’t struggle any longer against the predators of nature, we struggle with the human system imposed on us, in many ways just as vicious as our struggles to survive in nature so long ago. To say suicide is acceptable is taboo, because so much of what we believe in culturally and morally hinges on the sacredness of life. But, what if there is no longer an answer? For us, who think, for us who can act through our own volition, for us who are so removed from nature…

• Many of life’s knots feel so terribly intertwined that it seems unsolvable, but if you toggle just a bit on some knots they unravel quickly. If you feel that there might still be an answer to you dilemma, a way out: Consider the following:

• Reconnect with nature. Nature, so innocent of the machinations of men, but so hurt, so exploited, raped by man – we are so removed from it, it might make you feel better to feel a bit more for nature,
• Reconnect with people, or get some distance from the ones that hurt you and pull you down,
• Reconnect with your body,
• Buy some time: Trick the fates (accidents) by being as careful as possible,
• Or, quite the opposite: buy some time through action: action delays death decay. If you feel that you need life, most of the time action is required to get the ‘bowel movements’ of life going. If death finds you while taking action, well, then at least you went out fighting (much like suicide is an ACT and an act of final action/fighting),
• Search for significance: Do something that is creative. Something that can make your name live on a bit longer, something that can make you feel a bit more significant, something that will make you feel that you lived and not simply existed.

Sometimes life corners you so much that there are literally no answers. Whether it is good to say that suicide is the only answer and that this might open-up other avenues in the mind regarding problems and how to solve them is unclear. So...

Life, life, life and in the end death. What is in between is as we write, as others write for us on our life’s pages and the way the dice rolls and falls for us.

Disclaimer: Because suicide is such a sensitive and taboo subject, I might get into trouble for writing what I have, especially if someone reads this and commits suicide. Please don’t commit suicide on my behalf, or after reading this article…it is going to make me feel bad, in spite of myself. Also, consider eternal absence from the earth (or, if this is your belief, eternal oblivion after death) very, very carefully. Also, the pain. I did not include it in the reasons why people don’t commit suicide, because I feel it doesn’t quite fit in there, but I feel it fits in here. Consider the pain, especially of a failed suicide attempt, very carefully. I also know that there is something like chemical depression. This type might have crept-up on you and you are an innocent victim in this, or life has squeezed you so much and the problem(s) that you are facing have been going on so long – especially, as we have discussed, there is no solution to it – you have developed chemical depression. Go get yourself checked-out by a professional counselor/therapist; this cannot hurt, I think, especially if the counsellor is professional and proficient with diagnosing and treating chemical depression. Mind you, while I am busy with this Disclaimer: go and see a good counsellor. He/she might just help unravel those knots and you might end up sitting with problems that are in the end solvable.

Let us give Terry Pratchett the last word on this: “I dare say that quite a few people have contemplated death for reasons that much later seemed to them to be quite minor. If we are able to live in a world where a socially acceptable ‘early death’ can be allowed, it must be allowed as a result of careful consideration.

“Let us consider me as a test case. As I have said I would like to die peacefully…before the disease takes me over and I hope that will not be for some time to come, because if I knew that I could die at any time I wanted, then suddenly every day would be as precious as a million pounds. If I knew that I could die, I would live. My life, my death, my choice.” – Richard Dimbleby Lecture, 2010).

Written by Omar Fourie, 28 February 2018.