The underestimation of a child

 Children should be children. They should be encouraged to play and run and jump. They should be helped to widen their perspectives, keep their curiosity and use it to explore their world. Being a child is not only a beautiful thing to be, but is also an amazing thing to watch as they grow and develop.

Yet, there is more than just the freedom to play to being a child. It is also the time where core processes are developed and learned and once set, they are extremely difficult to break so it is vital to build good habits. Both physical and mental.

The challenge with attempting to develop good habits in children is often that we ourselves have a lot of bad habits. It is difficult for a child to learn to eat healthily if all they have been served is fast food and ready-made dishes. It is difficult for them to build a solid physical approach when all of their early years they sat on the couch watching TV with parents. And it is very difficult for them to develop a broad mind that can critically discuss topics if they are raised in surroundings where they should be seen on not heard. 

( @canadian-coconut wrote a good piece about this the other day, head over and check her feed out as it is a wealth of information for approaching the development of young minds)

One thing I think most parents, teachers and society in general do, is underestimate the capabilities of children. Yes they are children, but they definitely understand more than we think, are more sensitive to their surroundings than we think and are able to perform many more tasks than we think. Our thinking about them, is often well, immature.

I have to disclose that I am biased in this regard. My childhood was not the same in many respects to many other people's and as a result I had to learn some things quite early. It wasn't a bad childhood at all, let's just say that it was less than supervised.

By seven, I was able to cook basic food for myself and my 3 year old sister when necessary. I was also responsible for making sure that I was clean, my clothes were washed, ironed and my homework done. I do not remember a parent ever asking if I had done my homework at any age. By twelve, I had my first cash in hand job cleaning out newly built apartments of left over materials before they would be painted and fitted for sale. If I wanted to buy something, I generally had to work for it. This gave me agency.

Should children have to do this kind of work? No. Are they capable of it? Absolutely.

I am by no means saying that children should be put to work to earn their crust, I am simply saying that we underestimate their abilities. If this underestimation of potential skills becomes habit, it can carry into adulthood and coasting through can become their norm. Proactively pushing our own skillsets is much more effective than any government organised school. Pay attention to your child, they will show you what they are capable of.

More importantly than the physical skills may be the mental skill range. Many excuse children from difficult conversations, shelter them from all sorts of awkwardness, but many of these things can be approached from a childs intellectual height but to do so, we have to bend ourselves.

Often, we are so busy with our own thoughts that we do not make the time to include our children into discussions. Children are in many ways smarter than adults for when they discuss topics, there are no barriers, no filters. Even though they may not find all of the solutions as they do not have the technical abilities, their minds will work at the problem from perspectives we have closed off.

This is also why they must be included in conversations. Because they do not necessarily have the skills to process all of the information they receive and as I said, they are very sensitive. They pick up information easily and quickly and without the sight and wisdom experience brings, they will still process the information, often less than successfully.

 This builds foundations for a whole range of future issues that people end up laying on a couch and paying 100 dollars an hour for. Many of these issues can be nipped in the bud before they have a chance to germinate and take root in an impressionable young mind.

 Most parents will say that they want their children to be happy, To have the best opportunities in this world and have the chance to make it better. And then, they go and teach their children what they know, without giving a second thought as to whether what they know actually leads to where they want to be. They may not even think whether they are happy themselves.

I haven't been a parent for long. I am still very naive, still with the energy to think I can affect my daughter's life. I am yet to go through the what stage, the why stage and all of the embarrassing and poorly timed questions. So, before that starts, I am preparing myself to have the stamina and determination to make it through. I will fail often, but learn fast I am sure. 

One thing I plan to never do though is underestimate her. Selling her short, giving her the path of least resistance, allowing her mind and body to start atrophying before it has even had the chance to fully develop. I will attempt to discuss complexity simply, difficulties sensitively, problems logically.

She started shaking her head for 'no' today. I have a lot to learn, and not much time to learn it.