Life is a spectrum, not an illness

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." - Miles Kington

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Everybody has experienced the sort of nightmare where you find yourself starting a school test or exam you aren't prepared for, and you forgot to wear pants. The same feeling you get when you show up to a class and the group is already half-way through a lesson leaving you in the position of playing catch-up, always feeling a page behind.

Claustrophobically forced to fake your way through life trying to copy those ahead of you, learning from their mistakes and hopefully dodging misfortune. Judgmental glances from peers feel like interrogation spotlights made of razerblades on your psyche, and no matter how you communicate with those around yourself, they never hear the same message trying to be conveyed. Imagine all your thoughts were in perfect English, but they always come out French, constantly trying to defend a concept that never came out the way it was meant to. Frustration is your only constant. Anger is your only allie.

You find patterns and connections to things most people would never consider, and your primary goal is to learn this alien planet you never chose to be on, surrounded by malicious vermin determined to turn you to their irrational point of view, lacking enough logic to ever make sense.

Your best work is completed in isolation, and outside influence seem to hold you back. Your deepest fascinations lack interest in the uneducated, and the things you are skilled at, you are expert at. Why go to college if you already know more about a subject then the professors who teach it.

Everything you research becomes an obsession that eventually turns into an expertise. Your only goal is to master your interests, and your only interests is mastery. You run through potential conversations through your head to prepare for potential arguments down the road to avoid being misunderstood. Preparation for the unrolling future is priority, but you struggle to adapt to change. Change requires a complete rewiring of your ideals, forcing you to become a different person. An unpredictable future can drive anxiety to heights unknown, distorting what you define as real.

You've always felt unique to those around you, not better or worse, but different. Like being the main character to the rantings of a crazed genius who only ever wanted validation and approval from those he never fully understood. A smile is worth the while, we pile in single file for miles, searching for meaning in the mundane.

What is normal? What is logic? What is equality? What is truth? What is real? Is it up to you?

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