The Solution to Evil: an informal rebuttal to the Problem of Evil (5 minutes)

     The problem of evil offers a logical argument against the existence of an omnibenevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent God. A simple formulation of the argument: If God is all-powerful and all-knowing and yet allows evil, he is not omnibenevolent. If God is all-good and all-knowing but cannot stop evil, he is not omnipotent. If God is all-good and all-powerful and yet evil evades him, he is not omniscient. If God is all-good and all-knowing but cannot stop evil, he is not omnipotent. Evil exists. Therefore an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent God does not exist.

     I would like to suggest a scenario in which God bows to the demands of this argument and intervenes to stop all evil. I hope you enjoy this venture into absurdity.

     Many claim that God has prevented evil throughout the ages by way of miracles, visions, and fortuitous happenstance. But historians will agree that the definitive solution to evil, or simply The Solution, began in 2025. This was a time of escalating conflict, with political turmoil, famine, and war throughout the world. It seemed likely that things were to get much worse. As they had for centuries, philosophers and commoners alike argued that God had to do something. It’s not clear what cry of anguish, academic paper, or raging blog post finally did the trick, but it seems that by March of 2025, God was convinced.

     The Hemavan Summit in the mountains of Lapland, Sweden, was in full swing on Tuesday, March 4, and the world’s top diplomats were present. The conference was designed as a last-ditch effort to resolve several regional conflicts, two of which had the potential to be the first conflict with the deployment of nuclear weapons by both sides. The common folk understood that this summit mattered, unlike many of the past. They waited in hushed offices, living rooms, and bars for every press release and memo that was relayed from each day’s meetings.

     Like many previous summits, the conference quickly descended into squabbling and chaos. The conflict came to a head only three days into the five-day event. Diplomats rushed out of the failed meetings to contact their heads of state and advise attack. However, phone calls did not connect, e-mails were routed to trash boxes, and messenger cars suddenly ran out of fuel. The summit exploded with accusations of sabotage and electronic warfare.

     In the meantime, diplomats noticed that their communications with loved ones worked just fine. They could talk about life, their children, and everyday matters, while conversations that turned to state business were cut off immediately.

     The diplomats barricaded themselves in various wings of the conference center, hoping that opponents’ communications were similarly obstructed. On the final day of the conference, they reconvened and agreed to hold off any major actions. The people of the world wondered what change had occurred in the previous forty-eight hours, but relieved as they were to be spared nuclear hellfire, they did not demand answers.

     This event is regarded as the First Shifting, a point at which a new rule was put in place for humanity. Word spread throughout the top echelons of government and society: an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good force would no longer allow warfare.

     The natural problems that led to some of the conflicts discussed at the Hemavan Summit remained points of contention on the world stage, but not for long. Flooding, famine, and drought simply stopped throughout the world. In flooded areas, water flowed into the ground; and in drought-stricken areas, water came up out of the ground. In areas suffering famine, wild crops sprang up from the earth, the waters teemed with fish, and wild game was plentiful.

     This was the Second Shifting. The people of the world rejoiced, and this time they understood that something special was going on. This Second Shifting made it clear that never again would anyone go hungry or thirsty due to harsh environments.

     The Third Shifting was more controversial and widely recognized as divine in nature. Although the grand human conflicts of war and subjection had been eliminated by the First Shifting, the peoples of the world still bickered about many things. Rival groups that would have resolved their disputes through warfare now had to make do with street-level violence. Increasing turmoil brought an outcry that was swiftly answered, to the dismay and relief of many. Guns jammed, knives were suddenly dull, and bombs just wouldn’t go off. Rival groups attempted more primitive means of harm—such as clubs, rocks, and cars—but their evil intentions were again frustrated. Combatants were mysteriously gripped by unseen forces and levitated or shoved away from one another. The Third Shifting led to the widespread acknowledgment of divine intervention in the world.

     The ensuing time of peace and tranquility saw huge social changes. With no real temporal needs—as food, water, and shelter were provided by divine providence—most people stopped working and occupied themselves with entertainment, such as movies, TV, and games. However, the absence of relatable conflict rendered such pastimes increasingly bland and inane. Human interactions were brief and inconsequential, for people found no basis for meaningful relationships in a world that had no need for trust and mutual support. Men and women became islands unto themselves, and they were very sad.

     The Final Shifting was characterized by a general breakdown of physical rules and limitations. The only rule was that there could be no suffering. People were only able to interact in the most rudimentary ways, to avoid all rudeness or annoyance. Accidents were rendered impossible. Dropped objects defied the law of gravity and floated gently above the ground. Those with the last vestiges of initiative took advantage of the new laws of physics to create trinkets and amusements.

     A former engineer was napping under a tree one day, and an apple fell from the tree and levitated above him instead of hitting his head. Seized with inspiration, he experimented further and realized that he could use this new fundamental force, which he called the Nullification of Suffering(S₀), to levitate whatever he liked. He could tie kittens to the bottom of any heavy object he liked, and their suffering would be prevented by the spontaneous lifting of the object! He developed a levitating train with his new technology, and it whisked along at astonishing speeds. Eventually the kittens worked their way free of their bonds, but in order to prevent the engineer’s frustration, the Nullification of Suffering force kept the train afloat.

     This phase of The Solution has been long and continuing. I call it the Final Shifting only because no one remains with the intellect or interest to analyze further developments. This has been a strenuous phenomenon to document, and the S₀ gets stronger every day. I cannot continue.